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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, the role of a mother differs in some ways from the role of a father. Why do you think these differences exist? How might parental roles develop in the future?

#countries #role #mother #father #differences #roles #future
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The effect that
children
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 get from
parents
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 is significant throughout their lives. How a mother and a father should behave differs depending on the
country
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which
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in which
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 people live. I will examine some reasons for creating the differences and expectations of their changing roles in the future.
To begin
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 with, the role of
parents
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 is different from one
country
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 to another
due to
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 the variety of cultural backgrounds and traditional beliefs that have existed for a long period of time.
In other words
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, each culture puts more importance on various factors in raising
children
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.
For example
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,
while
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Western
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in Western
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 countries
such
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 as the U.S. and France,
parents
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 are more expected to promote the independence of
children
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, adults in Japan tend to be more protective and cater to the varying demands of
children
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. To be more precise, western
parents
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 often encourage
children
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 to manage themselves from an early age by providing individual rooms
whereas
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children
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 often share rooms with their mother and father so they can supervise them better.
Therefore
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, these different values of thinking have made incredible contributions to the divergent roles of
parents
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 by nations. Regardless of the unique role of
parents
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 in each
country
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, there will be more similarities in their styles of raising
children
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 because of the expanding growth of Western cultures in the future. In fact, more Japanese
parents
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 tend to
put
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have
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 more respect for their independence and allow them to have various experiences by sending them to boarding schools and international schools.
Likewise
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, they encourage their
children
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 to make more responsible decisions on how they should behave no matter what consequences turn out because a number of important lessons can be learned through their struggles from trials and errors.
As a result
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,
parents
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 are less expected to look after them until they mature. In conclusion, differences in parental roles in countries are primarily attributed to uncommon cultural backgrounds. The goals that
children
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 should achieve in life are different from one
country
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 to another.
However
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,
such
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 global gaps will be reduced as the Western cultures grow their impacts on others.
Submitted by mizuho on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity and coherence by creating well-defined paragraphs with clear topic sentences. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Expound on your main points by providing more specific examples. This ensures each idea is fully developed and enhances the effectiveness of the supporting arguments.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. Though the essay presents a general response to the prompt, go into greater depth regarding the reasons behind the differences and the potential future developments of parental roles.
task achievement
Present comprehensive ideas through a more detailed analysis and discussion. This will aid in developing a more nuanced understanding of the topic at hand, thus improving task achievement.
task achievement
Incorporate a wider range of relevant, specific examples to substantiate your arguments. Doing so will strengthen the essay considerably and illustrate a nuanced understanding of the topic.
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