IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

#people #countryside #cities #towns #situation
The chart gives us information about the physical
activity
 done by
Austrailian
a native or inhabitant of Australia
Australian
 men and women of various
age
 groups in 2010. Overall,
Austrailian
a native or inhabitant of Australia
Australian
 men when they are young
(
Accept space
(
ages 15-24) are more regular in physical
activity
 and the Australian women who are in their late forties and early fifties (ages 45 to 54) are
regular
Suggestion
regularly
 in physical
activity
. Whereas, the percentage of Australian men and women in
age
Suggestion
the age group
group
 25 to 34 and 65 and over respectively were the least in regular physical activities.
Also we
Accept comma addition
Also, we
 can see that
overall percentage
Suggestion
the overall percentage
 of women’s doing physical
activity
 is higher than that of males. We can segregate
this
 graph in three sections Above 50% people
,
Accept space
,
 Between 40% to 50% people and below 40% people doing regular physical activities. So
for
Suggestion
in
 the section of above 50% of people doing physical
activity
 we can clearly see that women’s from 3
age
 groups (35 to 44, 45 to 54 and 55 to 64) have surpassed with 52.5%, 53.3% and 53
% respectively
Accept comma addition
%, respectively
 working out regularly.
On the contrary
 males from only one
age
group
that is
 15 to 24 have surpassed it with 52.8% of them doing regular workouts. The
second
 segregation that was for people lying between 40% to 50% of
population
Suggestion
the population
 doing physical
activity
, The male members of the society have taken over with 4
age
 groups
(
Accept space
(
25 to 34, 45 to 54, 55 to 64 and 65 and over) with 42.2%, 43.1%, 45.1% and 46.7
% respectively
Accept comma addition
%, respectively
 doing regular fitness activities. Whereas only women who were 65 and over fall under
this
 category with 47.1% of them doing workouts. The
last
 segregation was for
below
Suggestion
under
 40% where only one male
age
group
 was confined.
Austrailain
a native or inhabitant of Australia
Australian
 men from 35years to 44 years were a little below 40
% which
Accept comma addition
%, which
 made them fall in
this
 category. Only 39.5% of
auustralian
a native or inhabitant of Australia
Australian
 men from the above
age
group
 fall under
this
 category.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: