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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below

The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below
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The
graph
 compares the two new
music
 sites on the basis of
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
visit
Change to a plural noun
visits
show examples
 for 15 days ,where the
graph
 can be seen quite varied from
day1
Correct your spelling
day 1
 to
day
 15.
In contrast
 to
Music
 Choice , Pop Parade gained popularity
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the first
day
 with 120,000
visit
Fix the agreement mistake
visits
show examples
 which was 40,000 for
other site
Change the wording
another site
other sites
show examples
 which
then
 drop to 20,000 the other
day
 ,
although
this
 remain quite static for Pop Parade till
day
 3 until it drop down to 60,000 which again improved
slighly
Correct your spelling
slightly
next
day
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
that did not
last
 . The
graph
 for
Music
 choice remains steady till
day
 7 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 slight increment of
visit
Fix the agreement mistake
visits
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
day
 3 which did not
last
 long . The
graph
 remains steady for
Music
Correct article usage
the Music
show examples
 Choice site with the same number of up and down every other
day
 until it reach
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
day
 12 when there was
sudden
Add an article
a sudden
show examples
 increment in
Add an article
a visit
the visit
show examples
visit
Fix the agreement mistake
visits
show examples
 which was 120,000 but
then
 it
didnt
Correct your spelling
didn't
last
 long and lost
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 fame on the
last
day
 15.
In contrast
 to the
graph
 for
Pop
Correct article usage
the Pop
show examples
 parade site which gained popularity on
day
 15
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 was not so
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
popular until
day
 11
loosing
Replace the word
losing
show examples
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 visits around
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
show examples
 12 and 13 but gained back
untill
Correct your spelling
until
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
day
 .

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast, last".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, music, visit, day with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "compares" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Music sites
  • Web traffic
  • Number of visits
  • Trend analysis
  • Initial phase
  • Steady increase
  • Fluctuations
  • Significant change
  • Peaks
  • Turning point
  • Growth rate
  • Seasonal variation
  • Comparative analysis
  • Long-term trend
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