Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
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In the modern era, key industries
such
as communication, Pharma, and transportation have become highly dependent on technologically advanced computer systems. Some argue that this
dependency has created a dangerous situation around the globe. I completely agree with the statement as excessive reliance on tech can result in pretty bad situations from disrupting communications across the border to theft of medicinal reports, contributing heavy
losses.
Nowadays, every international airport uses software to efficiently manage flight schedules, communication records, and passenger information, and antivirus to protect them. Change preposition
to heavy
However
, due to
a small issue in Crowdstrike, a prominent software giant, used by several airlines disrupted communications around the globe for two hours, creating a complete blackout and halting transport operations. Therefore
, this
type of small bug can lead air transportation to a complete stop, affecting thousands of air travellers.
Furthermore
, even biotechnological companies which use advanced equipment and programmes for medicinal research, and development, and storing confidential data have to face heavy losses. For instance
, In 2019 hackers stole 10 years of research data from Pfizer, a global pharmaceutical, resulting in huge financial loss as the company has invested more than a billion dollars in research and development. Therefore
, excessive use of technology can sometimes diminish years of hard work in this
field, contributing to huge setbacks.
To conclude
, heavy reliance on computer programmes has various drawbacks which can have a deep effect on both companies and people in general.So individuals should find and use an alternative to these software programmes, to avoid any dangerous situation.Submitted by harshbhardwaj155 on
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task response
The introduction is clear and directly addresses the prompt, but there are minor grammatical errors. For example, 'communications across the border' should be 'communications across borders.'
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well-supported with relevant examples, but there is room for stronger cohesion between sentences and paragraphs. Consider using more transitional phrases to improve flow.
coherence cohesion
Avoid small grammatical errors, such as the missing space after full stops and commas. This will improve the readability and professionalism of your essay.
task response
You effectively use real-world examples to illustrate your points, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
You provide a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points and suggests a solution, ensuring a strong finish.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with distinct paragraphs for each main point, making it easy to follow your reasoning.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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