IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think most crimes are the result of circumstances like poverty and other social problems. Others believe that they are caused by people who are bad in nature. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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These days, the
crime
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 rate has surged gradually and continues to do so. Many believe that poverty and other social issues are responsible for criminal activities.
Whereas
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, other people opine that a bad community needs to be blamed for the
crime
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. Both viewpoints will be discussed in the following paragraphs,
however
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, I am in solidarity with the former View. Advocates of the former view, usually, come up with the arguments that poverty could be the prominent cause for a certain surge in
crime
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 worldwide. Without qualms, a vast majority of people are struggling to make ends meet, resulting tend them adopting wrong trajectories as the easiest source of earning money.
This
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 may include straight robbery, abduction, drug trafficking and so on.
Moreover
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, they
further
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 add that media influence is the second biggest factor that for sure criminal activities. TV shows and movies
open
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
show high violence and
crime
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-related content which Has a negative impact on their viewers , especially youngsters.
As a result
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, they mimic aggressive behaviour in real life.
For example
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, a news by the New York Times showed that in 2012 a group of eight college students committed a bank robbery by taking an idea from a movie.
In contrast
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, a section of society claims that individuals who are aggressive and impatience in nature are the ones who commit crimes in society.
This
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 could happen
due to
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 religious discrimination, personal revenge, racism and so on. To cite an example, in America, the black community is always targeted by white Americans because of colour discrimination.
Therefore
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,
this
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 aggression results in serious criminal Acts between both communities. In my opinion, current social issues
such
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 as poverty unemployment and social media originate from
crime
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 in society because people have to pursue wrongdoings for their survival, which is true and cannot be ignored. In conclusion, there is no denying the fact that the
crime
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 rate is at its peak in the Contemporary era, and numerous factors are responsible for the same. As mentioned above social problems are more responsible for illegal Acts than bad behaviour.

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introduction
Consider refining your introduction to succinctly present both views before stating your opinion. This will clarify the scope and intention of your argument right from the beginning.
logical structure
Ensure that your paragraphs transition smoothly between ideas. Use linking words and phrases to enhance the logical flow and make the text easier to read.
clear comprehensive ideas
Some sentences are quite long and complex. Simplifying your sentence structure can help improve clarity and readability.
general
Double-check for small grammatical errors and typos to enhance the professionalism of your writing.
complete response
You've clearly presented both viewpoints in a balanced manner, which addresses the task well.
relevant specific examples
The inclusion of specific examples, such as the New York Times report, strengthens your argument and demonstrates task relevance.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the arguments presented and reiterates your stance, providing a clear closure to your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • socio-economic circumstances
  • poverty
  • lack of education
  • unemployment
  • illegal activities
  • desperation
  • social issues
  • exposure to violence
  • family structures
  • inherent
  • personality traits
  • lack of empathy
  • aggression
  • predilection for risk-taking
  • affluent backgrounds
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