Some people believe that music is a way to bring people of different cultures and ages together. Do you agree or disagree.

#people #music #cultures #ages

It is thought by many that

music

across the

world

is often used as a tool to shrunken the gap between various cultures and generations. I completely agree with

this

notion not only because remakes of older versions are equally popular among all ages and international

music

concerts are frequent irrespective of bizarre

language but

Accept comma addition

language, but

also

the money generated from

music

concerts is used for

culture

Suggestion

cultural

promotion all around the

world

Firstly

, many

music

production companies are making a new version of old songs which are liked by both youngsters and adults. Since there is always a contradiction of thoughts between young and older

people but

Accept comma addition

people, but

with the advent of the new version

that is

the fusion of old lyrics with the new instruments is liked by everyone. Take an example of India, where the report of a survey conducted by the Eros

music

company revealed that the majority of people aged between 20-60 prefer remixes of old songs because they are fascinated by the new experiments with the older one.

Thus

music

has brought people of all ages closer than ever before.

Secondly

, the concerts organized by the

music

industry, on an international level, provide a platform for people to broaden their horizons by exposing themselves to different cultures. As many countries take part in

this

program and represent their

culture

by giving a performance in their local language and costume, which is a great opportunity for the participants to learn other cultures.

For instance

, an Indian singer, AR Rahman, is making a fusion of western and eastern

music

with the collaboration of a famous American singer Brian Adams.

Hence

music

is a way to bring cultures together.

Finally

, many governments in the

world

are generating a hefty amount of revenue

from

Suggestion

for

the

music

industry so that

this

money could be utilized to introduce their

culture

worldwide by sending singers to different countries. To sum up, I completely agree that

music

brings cultures and ages together by making remakes, conducting concerts all around the

world

, and using the money earned from the

music

industry to promote local

culture

Mon Dec 16 2019

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Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
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Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

349 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Fully explain your ideas

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