IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In today's world many people own a smart phone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

In recent years, mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 have become an integral part of daily life for most people worldwide.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend can lead to problems if not managed effectively. In my view, despite the challenges arising from mishandling cell
phones
Use synonyms
, owning a phone offers more benefits
overall
Linking Words
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, mobiles have numerous advantages. Mobile devices provide various methods, including instant messaging apps, social media platforms, and video calling programs, to socialise with loved ones, which keeps individuals in touch with each other.
For example
Linking Words
, most migrants in the United States and the United Kingdom rely on communication applications to contact their immediate and extended relatives, which was impossible to imagine a few decades ago.
Moreover
Linking Words
, workers, students, and even unemployed groups have wider and faster access to the internet, allowing them to obtain a wide range of information
instead
Linking Words
 of going to a library, which is not always accessible.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, cellular
phones
Use synonyms
 do have their drawbacks. Communication through cell
phones
Use synonyms
 lacks face-to-face interactions, which makes the connection less meaningful since it does not involve body language, eye contact, or even physical presence.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, many residents, particularly young adults, prefer scrolling through social media platforms or playing online games rather than spending time outdoors meeting friends, which can eventually lead to addiction and isolation.
For instance
Linking Words
, a 2020 study in Germany found that 34% of teenagers were addicted to their mobiles, which was associated with risks of developing mental health problems,
such
Linking Words
 as anxiety, depression, or loneliness.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 mobiles may have certain challenges, I strongly believe that their advantages far outweigh their disadvantages. Thanks to cell
phones
Use synonyms
, people can now socialise more with their close ones and have unlimited access to information.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
To lift task response, give a clear main idea in each paragraph and add more detail to each point.
coherence
To raise coherence, use linking words and keep one idea per paragraph; also check flow from one sentence to the next.
examples
Use more exact examples and explain how they show the point.
grammar
Check grammar and spelling; fix subject-verb form and use simple words.
content
Clear view that benefits outweigh the downs.
structure
Good use of examples and simple logic.
presentation
Intro and conclusion are present.
coherence
Order of ideas in the two body paragraphs is clear.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphone
  • talk
  • message
  • information
  • map
  • app
  • bank
  • safety
  • time
  • distraction
  • sleep
  • privacy
  • security
  • screen time
  • balance
  • limit
  • habit
  • learning
  • work
  • health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: