IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The time people devote to the job leaves very little time for personal life. How widespread is the problem? What problem will this shortage of time cause?

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The
time
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 people devote in job leaves very little
time
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 for personal
life
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 was always a debatable topic. Many people believe that
this
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 shortage of
time
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 leads to many family problems and damages human relationships. I personally believe that not giving enough
time
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 for personal
life
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 might lead to disputes between husband and wife.
This
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 essay would
further
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 elaborate the problems caused by giving little space for personal
life
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 with reasons and
thus
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 lead to a plausible conclusion.
Firstly
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, due to high increase in the unemployment rate and tough competition for jobs, employees is trying their level best outputs to the company by working long hours in office. Spending long hours in office, pressure from managers and project deadlines created by clients are causing people to lose their personal space which indeed leading them to start ignoring personal lives. It creates disputes among families and between husband and spouse which might lead to divorce.
For example
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, because of extreme pressure on employees to deliver the product on
time
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 will make them work on weekends and not providing enough
time
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 to their families.
Secondly
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, increased standard of living, variations in lifestyles, project deadlines and competitive market can cause stress for the employees.
For instance
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, recent studies conducted on software employees by the University of California showed that out of 100 employees 88 people are suffering from stress and depression because of the pressure.
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, it is the responsibility of a company and managers to provide space between personal lives and professional careers. According to the arguments aforementioned, healthy balance between personal
life
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 and professional
life
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 is required to lead a prosperous
life
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 and
further
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 the organizations need to bring some policies that benefits employees to lead happy and spend good
time
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 with their families.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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