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Band 5.5

Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after 60, it causes problems for young people. Do you agree or disagree? opinion.

#people #work
One section of society believes that it would be an issue for the young generation if elderly people do not get retired at the
age
 of 60, while others disagree. I believe that older employees work because not only it will decrease the
burden
 on state
tax but
Accept comma addition
tax, but
also
 it will help young people to learn skills from older workers. The working old professionals will not be a
burden
 on society anymore. Improved sanitation and antibiotics have vanquished most infectious diseases because of which life expectancy has increased. If older people get
retirement
Suggestion
retired
 at
age
 of 60, they will become dependent on tax.
As a result
 of which young professionals would have to pay hefty taxes to support public medical expenses.
For instance
, the medical services in Britain
are suffering
Suggestion
have been suffering
have suffered
 since the average
age
 of Britain
is
Suggestion
has been
 50 and most people get retired at the
age
 of 55, increasing the
burden
 on the taxation system. The elder workers can teach some vital skills to fresh graduated while working with them. The skills like problem-solving and decision making cannot be taught in the
classroom
Accept comma addition
classroom, although
although
 they can be learned by new joiners while working with more experienced peers.
For example
, when I joined
firm
Suggestion
the firm
 as a fresher there was one worker aged 70, who helped me to learn a new skill because of which I got early promotion.
However
, if the average
age
 of the country is
lessn
used to form the comparative of some adjectives and adverbs
less
then
conjunction used in comparatives
than
 thirty, like India, it becomes difficult for young people to get the job as more jobs are filled with people, who are supposed to be retired. In conclusion, working the old generation will decrease the
burden
 on the taxation system as well as young people will acquire new skills from them.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • intrinsic preference
  • liberating
  • physical activity
  • chronic diseases
  • natural light
  • job satisfaction
  • environmental connection
  • monotonous
  • dynamic
  • stimulating
  • fulfilling career
  • creativity
  • inspire
  • office politics
  • corporate structures
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