IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #health #future
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I strongly agree with the view that the average person is likely to have declining
health
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 in the coming days. There are many reasons for
this
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, especially the lack of
time
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 to lead a healthy life, stress at work or school affecting mental
health
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, and the increased amount of screen
time
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 damaging vision.
Moreover
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,
this
Linking Words
 trend seems to worsen with every passing day.
Firstly
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, people
do not get
Suggestion
does not get
is not getting
 enough
time
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 these days to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Due to
immense amount
Suggestion
an immense amount
the immense amount
 of pressure at work or classes, the average person tends to ignore one's
health
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, people do not find the
time
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 to exercise or prepare healthy meals and
therefore
Linking Words
 they skip the gym and buy fast-food. Research has shown that performing a minimum of 30 minutes of exercise per week and having a balanced diet is important for good
health
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, but people are unable to do
this
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 due to their busy schedules. Another reason for declining
health
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 is
stress which
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stress, which
 affects the mental state.
For example
Linking Words
, at my workplace, I usually have tight deadlines at times, and
this
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 makes me anxious and sometimes depressed. Scientists have consistently proven that mental well-being is as important as good physical
health
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. When I am in stressful situations, I have found that I lose appetite, have mood swings, and have
less willingness
Suggestion
a less willingness
 to do tasks, which affects my productivity and my physical
health
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 as well.
Finally
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, as our dependence on computers and mobile phones has increased considerably in
this
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 age and potentially more so in the future, we spend most of our waking hours staring at screens. Research has demonstrated that
this
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 behaviour is not ideal for our eyes. To illustrate an example, I read an article recently which claims that the
last
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 thing 80% of the people in my country
see
female pronoun; a female, or something regarded as female, e.g. a ship
she
 is their mobile phone screen. It was
also
Linking Words
 mentioned that doing so has a strong effect on eyes given by the fact that the amount of people who need prescription glasses is rising every year. To sum up, the average person will undergo a drop in his or her
health
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 in the future as compared to today because we are taking less
time
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 to focus on our
health
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, leading stressful
lives affecting
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lives, affecting
 our mental
health
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, and damaging our vision by looking at screens for large amounts of
time
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.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
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