IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #cost #study #university #education #individuals #society
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One school of thought holds that tuition fees should be paid fully by each student since they take advantage of higher
education
 individually
instead
 of collectively. Personally, the writer contends that
although
students
 pay for their studies, governments and universities should
also
 provide scholarships in order to support their families financially and encourage them to go
further
 in their academic journeys. It must be acknowledged that a great number of impoverished people lose their chance to attend school.
This
 is because university
education
 requires a vast amount of money for materials and tools like laptops and other devices, which are far beyond the reach of poor
students
. Worse still, university subjects are so difficult that
students
 must pay for extra lectures once they fail an examination. Without assistance from the authorities, underprivileged people will be deterred from receiving mainstream
education
.
Thus
, the
need
Correct article usage
a need
show examples
 for subsidies for
students
. The provision of scholarships can
also
 make
students
 study diligently. In order to achieve
this
, they have to try hard to get the highest scores and top the class, which positively affects their aptitude and attitude towards
education
.
Consequently
, the competition among fellows acts as a driving force that pushes them forward to become skilled labourers for a country.
This
 can be seen in the case of Pham Quang Khai, who was given a full scholarship to the USA and eventually came back to his motherland and successfully helped develop it. In conclusion, the cost
os
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
education
 is a great financial burden for poor people.
Thereby
Rephrase
Therefore
show examples
, governments and universities should offer scholarships not only to support these families but
also
 to encourage
students
 to work assiduously.

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Introduction & Conclusion
A stronger thesis statement in the introduction could make your stance clearer from the beginning.
Main Points & Argumentation
Including a counterargument before presenting your main points can enhance the balance and depth of your essay, showing an understanding of differing perspectives.
Cohesion
Using a wider range of linking phrases can improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your stance, strengthening the overall impact of your essay.
Supporting Evidence
The use of specific examples, like the case of Pham Quang Khai, helps to support your arguments and makes them more convincing.
Structure & Organization
Your essay is structured logically, with clear paragraphs each addressing a distinct aspect of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • beneficiary
  • accountability
  • economic mobility
  • social inequalities
  • subsidized education
  • vocational training
  • deliberate choice
  • earning potential
  • public funding
  • societal benefits
  • innovation
  • self-financing
  • social mobility
  • economic equality
  • grants
  • scholarships
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