IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that children’s success in adulthood is related to the way they have been raised by their parents. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #children’s #success #adulthood #parents
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often argued that the upbringing of a person can be a major contributing factor to the amount of success one can achieve throughout their adult
life
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement and will explain three main reasons for why
this
Linking Words
 is the case.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the main personality traits of human beings appear to be shaped during their formative years when they are still in their infancy. These can tremendously affect their emotional intelligence and interpersonal skills which might majorly impact their career development.
For example
Linking Words
, studies have indicated that apparently, more emotionally intelligent people tend to perform, on average, 40 percent better than their counterparts, and
therefore
Linking Words
 they would benefit from better job prospects and improved socioeconomic status.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is often agreed that the belief system of an adult is highly influenced by the attitude and
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
 of the nuclear family.
That is
Linking Words
 to say that successful parents try to imbibe self-discipline in their offspring,
thus
Linking Words
 improving their children’s ability to resolve future challenges in
life
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, had it not been for the teachings of Edison’s mother, he would have never been so resilient when confronted with so many failed attempts to invent the electric lamp.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many of the failures and shortcomings of people later in
life
Use synonyms
 appear to stem from the conflicts in their core family during childhood.
That is
Linking Words
 to say that negative feelings
such
Linking Words
 as insecurity, jealousy, and anger are often instilled in people when they are still a child. These might have adverse effects on their success during adulthood.
For instance
Linking Words
, the unsatisfactory performance of college students who are children of divorced parents appears to stem from the negative impact of their parents’ separation. It is undeniable that the pace in which people reach their goals in
life
Use synonyms
 is greatly influenced by their own efforts, but their upbringing and their experiences thereof may indicate where they start in the race of
life
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the way people are raised by their parents appears to be a key factor in their adult-
life
Use synonyms
 success due to the beliefs and
behaviors
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviours
 which are instilled in them during childhood.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • parenting style
  • authoritative
  • authoritarian
  • permissive
  • uninvolved
  • socially competent
  • academic achievements
  • parental involvement
  • conducive
  • academic success
  • motivation
  • confidence
  • expectations
  • resilience
  • challenges
  • socioeconomic status
  • extracurricular activities
  • stable living environment
  • opportunities
  • mitigate
What to do next:
Look at other essays: