IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In some countries, people follow the latest fashion and hairstyles. In your opinion, what is influencing this? Is this a good or bad thing?

#countries #people #fashion #hairstyles
Individuals in some nations follow the latest
fashion
 and hairstyles.
This
 essay will argue why I believe that the media and celebrities inspire people to follow
this
trend
, and
this
 is a negative development because people get discriminated if they cannot afford
such
 styles. The media and public figures are responsible for influencing ordinary people to follow certain
fashion
.
This
 is to say that ordinary people are always curious o
bout
(of quantities) imprecise but fairly close to correct
about
their favourite celebrity, so they watch their idols on the internet and TV and try to copy them by purchasing the same outfits and implementing the similar styles.
Additionally
, celebrities are
also
 brand e
mbassdors
a diplomat of the highest rank; accredited as representative from one country to another
ambassadors
ambassador
of many
fashion
 and beauty products,
hence
 they try to convince their fans to purchase the items they promote.
For example
, Zara admitted that t
heir
people in general
they
s
ell boosted
Accept comma addition
sell, boosted
up by 60% after they hired Angelina Jolie as their brand promoter in 2015. Following latest
fashion
 and styles is an adverse
trend
 because people may face discrimination among others if they are not on the same track.
This
 means, there are many people who cannot afford the expensive brands and products that are currently in
trend
, and they may become the victims of humiliation b
y
Suggestion
of
other people or friends.
For instance
, a recent study conducted by the BBC revealed that 15% of t
eenager
being of the age 13 through 19
teenage
children of poor parents in the UK get bullied by their counterparts at school or universities just because they cannot afford branded beauty products and latest designer clothes. In conclusion, people in some nations get updated with the latest
fashion
 and styles. I think that
this
 is because of the influence of the media and public figures, and it is a bad
trend
 because not all people can afford
such
 an expensive lifestyle.
Submitted by sreea914 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: