IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behavior. What is your opinion?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #behavior
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,
violence
Use synonyms
 on technology incrementing while some people consider that
violence
Use synonyms
 on
television
Use synonyms
 and in
computer
Use synonyms
 games has damaged the
society
Use synonyms
, others mention that the positives of it as well as the salutary authority for the public demeanour. In my opinion, I personally believe that
violence
Use synonyms
 played the vital role in ravaging the
society
Use synonyms
 from the avails of the
television
Use synonyms
 as well as the
computer
Use synonyms
 games. On one hand, people believe that
violence
Use synonyms
 on
television
Use synonyms
 and in
computer
Use synonyms
 games modified the mind of people to the negativity and I accede to
this
Linking Words
.
In other words
Linking Words
, people learn the negative act from the
television
Use synonyms
 and in
computer
Use synonyms
 games.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 act applied to the
society
Use synonyms
 and engender earnest quandaries in the connection with others in
society
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, my cousin Faruk who is only nine years old assailed his neighbour with a knife and cuts his one finger recently, Faruk accept that he learn
this
Linking Words
 negativity from the game which one he played all the time on the
computer
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
violence
Use synonyms
 in technology can damage any more ecstatic
society
Use synonyms
 facilely.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a few people mention that
violence
Use synonyms
 on
television
Use synonyms
 and in
computer
Use synonyms
 games distribute the positive impact on people's demeanour by build thought of the indispensability of the
society
Use synonyms
. To put it simply, people learn the command of
society
Use synonyms
 from the
television
Use synonyms
 as well as in
computer
Use synonyms
 games.
For instance
Linking Words
, ''
Society
Use synonyms
 in life'' denominated tv serial influenced my relative Akash who was always impudent to the people of his
society
Use synonyms
. Albeit, learning positivity from the
television
Use synonyms
 and from the
computer
Use synonyms
 games is consequential. In conclusion, while the people's opinions vary, I personally believe that
violence
Use synonyms
 on
television
Use synonyms
 and in
computer
Use synonyms
 games has damaged the
society
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by mitchel6018atlas on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • proliferation
  • desensitize
  • empathetic response
  • aggressive behavior
  • formative years
  • impressionable
  • catharsis
  • media psychology
  • mixed results
  • family environment
  • genetics
  • regulatory bodies
  • rating systems
  • vulnerable demographics
  • inappropriate content
What to do next:
Look at other essays: