One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#consequences #care #people #life #expectancy #outweigh

Modern medical facilities and research in the healthcare sector have brought miracles to the world. We have cures for deadly diseases and researchers are working with our genes to prevent diseases even before we are born- marvellous indeed.

As a result

, people these days live longer.

This

as an alarming

trend according

Accept comma addition

trend, according

to some while I firmly believe that longer

life

expectancy

offers far many advantages than demerits. Many people opine that increasing

life

expectancy

increases the ratio of the older population and shrink the active workforce.

Thus they

Accept comma addition

Thus, they

believe supporting

the old

Suggestion

older

the older

generation is a burden for the country. But,

this

opinion is misguided and not backed by facts. With an increasing

life

expectancy

, people these days remain more active and contribute to society even in their old age. As the government has raised the retirement age,

old

Suggestion

older

people are no longer a burden, rather an active workforce. To cite an example, professors, researchers, lawmakers, writers and many other professionals have vast experience and could contribute even more in their respective fields in their later years.

Thus

, when a physicist discovers a groundbreaking theory in his or her 70s, we should thank the enhanced medical research and treatment.

Finally

, as the number of working parents is heightening, grandparents are the

last

hope for young children. Older people are doing us a favour by taking most of our family burdens.

Besides

, people who we consider no longer useful to the society due to their age, have gifted us the world we live in today with their hard work, tax money and love. To conclude, thanks to the enhanced medical facilities due to which we now live longer and be part of the progress.

This

enhanced

life

expectancy

is a blessing for the human race.

Submitted by moh.rizwan.80 on Tue Dec 31 2019

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Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
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Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

294 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In today’s digital age, anyone with a smartphone can capture and share photographs. this accessibility to photography diminishes the value of professional photographers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The best way to help developing countries is to give them financial aid. Write an essay either agreeing or disagreeing with this statement. Suggest alternatives to this policy. v.1

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many options. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Many people say that we have developed into a “throw-away” culture, because we are filling up our environment with so many plastic bags and rubbish that we cannot fully dispose of. To what extent do you agree with this opinion and what measures can you recommend reducing this problem ?