IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that keeping pets is good for children while others think it is dangerous and unhealthy. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some communities believe that having a
pet
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 can be good for
children
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while
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 others think that it can cause trouble for
children
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 and affect their health.
This
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 essay will discuss both views.In my opinion, having a
pet
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 can benefit
children
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 in many ways.
According to
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 some people, by keeping a
pet
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 a sense of responsibility is developed in the child
as a result
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 that person becomes more responsible.
In addition
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, the person can make a
pet
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 his friend and he or she can spend their time with them.
For example
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, Ali is my brother. He was
very
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a very
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 irresponsible person but ever since he bought a
dog
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 he started to become more responsible.He feeds his
dog
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 daily at specific times and takes him to the garden for a walk. He is very careful with his
dog
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. He considers his
pet
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 as his best friend.
The
Correct article usage
A
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 sense of responsibility is developed in him just because of his
pet
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.
However
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, there are people who think that pets can be dangerous and unhealthy.Some
animals
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 can be dangerous
such
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 as lions, tigers and leopards because they eat meat.
Furthermore
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, different types of illnesses can be spread out through these
animals
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 as they are not very hygienic
animals
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.So, they can affect the
children
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's health.
For instance
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, Harry did not feed his
dog
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 at the desired time
therefore
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 his
dog
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 attacked him when he entered the
dog
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 house the reason is that his
dog
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 was hungry
also
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 he often remains ill the reason is that his
dog
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 loves to play in the dirty mud. In conclusion, even though, there are many disadvantages to having
animals
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 at home the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.So, In my opinion, it is better to have a
pet
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay's introduction clearly outlines the main points of both views to set a clear direction for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between ideas within paragraphs for improved readability.
task achievement
Include more detailed explanations to fully develop the points made in each paragraph.
task achievement
Reduce minor grammatical and punctuation errors to enhance the flow and clarity of the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents both views, which shows a balanced perspective on the topic.
task achievement
Using specific examples like the story about Ali and Harry helps to illustrate the points effectively.
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