IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities.other however say that this would have little effect on public health and other majores are required.discuss both this view and give yourown opinion.

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #majores #yourown
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Some people say that the best way to improve public
health
Use synonyms
 is by increasing the number of sports facilities.
other
Accept comma addition
Others, however
Others however
Other however
however
Linking Words
 say that
this
Linking Words
 would have little effect on public
health
Use synonyms
 and other
majores
determine the measurements of something or somebody, take measurements of
measures
 are required.
discuss
Suggestion
Discuss
 both
this
Linking Words
 view and give
yourown
Suggestion
your own
 opinion. It is considered by some that adding more sports
facilites
a building or place that provides a particular service or is used for a particular industry
facilities
 is the ideal way to enhance the healthy lifestyle of people, while there are others who opine that
instead
Linking Words
 of inculcating sports, important problems has to be addressed.
This
Linking Words
 essay discusses both sides of the argument before reaching my own perspective that improving the
food
Use synonyms
 culture and living environment is more important.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, those who believe in increased sports activities can improve
health
Use synonyms
 is mainly because it helps us to keep fit and increase the resistance power from many lifestyle diseases like obesity
,
Accept space
,
 blood pressure and so on.When parents are involved in healthy habits, children will automatically attract towards these type of programmes easily which in turn improves their immunity and mental development.
For instance
Linking Words
, when UAE
celebrate
Suggestion
celebrates
 the Yoga day
,
Accept space
,
around 80% of the attendees brought their family and they agreed that having these type of activities encourage them to stay healthy.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, few others think that we need to address basic problems
first
Linking Words
 to achieve good
health
Use synonyms
.The most compelling reason is that even though people are trying to stay fit by going to
health
Use synonyms
 clubs
,
Accept space
,
 they are easily affected by diseases due to pollution and
food
Use synonyms
 style.Most of the people prefer to have junk
food
Use synonyms
 without knowing the detrimental side effects.
Hence
Linking Words
 increase tax on those can reduce the consumption.
Additionally
Linking Words
, environmental pollution is another major issue where the people are suffering from major diseases like cancer and heart
problems mainly
Accept comma addition
problems, mainly
 due to the polluted air and water and strong legislation should be implemented to prevent the environment which can improve the
health
Use synonyms
 of the common people. To summarize
,
Accept space
,
even though having more sports
facilites
a building or place that provides a particular service or is used for a particular industry
facilities
 can improve the public
health
Use synonyms
, I inclined to believe that having healthy
food
Use synonyms
 and pollution free environment is more important to live a healthy life.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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