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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first pie chart illustrates why individuals travel to vocation by bicycle. On the other hand, second pie chart describes the reasons why people go to work by car.

The first pie chart illustrates why individuals travel to vocation by bicycle. On the other hand, second pie chart describes the reasons why people go to work by car.
#first #individuals #travel #vocation #bicycle #hand #second #people #work #car
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The first pie chart illustrates why individuals travel to
vocation
Correct pronoun usage
their vocation
show examples
 by bicycle.
On the other hand
,
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
 pie chart describes the
reasons
 why
people
 go to
work
 by
car
.
Overall
, what stands out from the diagrams is that the percentages of
people
 who are concerned about health and fitness,
pollution
Correct word choice
and pollution
show examples
 are
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 for those, who go to
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
 by bicycle.
Whereas
, most
people
 head to
work
 by
car
 because of comfort. In
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
, 30% of humans gave
reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 travelling by bicycle to
work
, because it is healthier than driving.
Similarly
, 30 % are
also
 saving nature from pollution as
cycle
Correct article usage
the cycle
show examples
 does not contribute
pollution
Change preposition
to pollution
show examples
. Only 12% gave the reason as it is faster than driving.
On the other hand
, two-fifth of individuals find comfort in
car
Add an article
a car
the car
show examples
 which is the highest among all other
reasons
. The two least important
reasons
 for going to
work
 by
car
, with 14% and 11% respectively,
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 that
people
 need to carry things to
work
 and that it is safer than cycling to
work
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words reasons, people, work, car with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gave" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 3 times.
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