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Band 6.5

MANY PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT MODERN MUSIC CAN HAVE A NEGETIVE IMPACT ON THE YOUNG. OTHERS BELIEVE THE EFFECT OF MODERN MUSIC IS POSITIVE. DISCUSS BOTH THE VEIWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.

In today’s world, there are many types of
music
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,
such
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 as pop, rap and electronic
music
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.
While
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 some believe that these
songs
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 have a negative
influence
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 on youth behaviour and values, others argue that modern
music
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 encourages creativity and self-expression.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before giving my personal opinion. On the one hand, some supporters believe that modern
music
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 has a positive
influence
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 because it encourages creativity and emotional expression. It allows young people to express their feelings freely and contributes to their mental well-being.
For example
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, teenagers who are discriminated against or feel socially excluded can find comfort and understanding in modern
songs
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 that reflect their emotions and experiences. In
this
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 way, it can be said that modern
music
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 contributes not only to young people’s creativity but
also
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 to their psychological resilience.
On the other hand
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, it is often argued that modern
music
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 can have a harmful
influence
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 on young people's behaviour and values. Many popular
songs
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 focus too much money, luxury and appearance and which may create unrealistic expectations among teenegers.
As a result
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, some young listeners start to believe that success and hapiness depend on only fame and wealth.
In addition
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, many
songs
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 include harmful messages about drugs, and
this
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 might
influence
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 them negatively. In conclusion,
although
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 modern
music
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 helps young people to be more creative and emotionally expressive, its negative impact on values and behaviour should not be ignored. In my opinion, there should be strict rules about song content, and the government should regulate it.

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content
Add one clear example for each view to show how the idea works.
structure
Make your intro and conclusion clear and show your own view in a simple way.
grammar
Fix small spelling mistakes like teenagers and happiness.
language
Use short, easy sentences to keep meaning clear.
scope
Two sides are clear and a view is given.
structure
Good use of 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' to show contrast.
content
Conclusion has your view.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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