IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #time #sports #lessons #school
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It is true that modern kids appear to be more physically inactive during leisure time than their past generations.
While
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 I agree that sporting hours are vital for a child’s growth and development, I would argue that
such
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 schemes should be optional
instead
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 of compulsory. Admittedly, doing physical exercise might offer a range of benefits for a kid’s all-round educational development.
Firstly
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, an active schoolboy can reduce
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
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 risks of serious diseases
such
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 as diabetes, obesity or more dangerously heart attack.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that secondary students take P.E lessons on a regular basis, leading to strengthening stamina,
flexibility
Correct word choice
and flexibility
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 and building up a better body.
Secondly
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, the opportunity to take part in sporting classes is possibly a great way to relieve stress and put down the burdens of studying in the classroom context.
For example
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, I remember participating in
P.E
Correct your spelling
P.E.
 hours every other day during high school, which was extremely pleasurable and helped me concentrate in a classroom context.
Although
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 physical activities play an essential part in the all-round progress of any school-age
children
Fix the agreement mistake
child
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, I do not believe that
such
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 educational programs have to be mandatory in a schoolhouse. By
this
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, I mean that not every child is physically appropriate to carry out sport.
For instance
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, if we tried to make sporting lessons compulsory in the school curriculum,
this
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 would severely result in unfair situations or even bad behaviours for those groups of pupils. By making
such
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 physical development schemes, optional, we could ensure that only motivated and suitable students took part. These youngsters would be able to get into better shape or even gain valuable competence for an adult working environment
such
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 as competition and collaboration skills.
To conclude
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, even though engaging in physical exercises has a crucial role to play in a kid’s all-embracing education advancement, it is my firm belief that it is wiser to make
such
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 programs elective
instead
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 of obligatory.

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Task Achievement
Ensure your examples directly support your main point. The example in the second paragraph is a little unclear in how it demonstrates the benefits of physical exercise.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure you maintain logical coherence throughout your paragraphs. The third paragraph starts with the importance of physical activities but ends up discussing against compulsory sporting lessons, which might be confusing for the reader.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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