Many people believe that safe investments are better for their long-term future while others feel there is more value in risky investments. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, many people tend to invest in various sectors. Others feel safe
investments
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are better for the long-term future;
while
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others believe that high-risk
investments
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are more valuable. I feel that safe
investments
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are far more reliable compared to risky
investments
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. There are a wide range of reasons why low-risk
investments
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are most effective. One of the primary reasons is that most organizations provide security for the preservation of investor capital.
Goverment
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Government
help
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helps
show examples
people to
safe
Replace the word
safely
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keep
our
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
money
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and it can
support
Verb problem
apply
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helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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to increase the amount of
money
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.
This
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way may be
slowly
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slow
show examples
but it is reliable and 100
persent
Correct your spelling
per cent
secure.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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you can give the amount of your
money
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to
own
Correct pronoun usage
your own
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bank
accaunt
Correct your spelling
account
. it will help you to increase your
money
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in a certain time. How do you say abundance will give you a certain percentage of your
money
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for depositing
money
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into your bank account
.
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?
show examples
Secondly
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, if you get precious stones and metals or similar items worth your
money
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, they may become more valuable or important over some time.
On the contrary
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, the risky
investments
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also
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have significant advantages. First of all is that by investing your
money
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, you can multiply your
money
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by 2x to 10x in significantly less time than long-term save investment. An example of
this
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is trading. In
this
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,
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I increased my $130 to $770 in 1 day. I believe
this
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is
way
Correct article usage
a way
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to increase
money
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rapidly. In conclusion, both types of
investments
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have positive aspects.
However
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, it's a little more difficult for us to enjoy life through safe
investments
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, so I prefer to take the other, riskier route.

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task achievement
Consider restructuring your introduction to clearly indicate the two opposing views, and then state your own opinion more definitively.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Expand on your examples to provide further clarity or context; for instance, elaborating on the concept of precious stones and metals or providing more detail on your trading experience could strengthen your points.
task achievement
Your introduction presents the topic clearly and states a personal view, which is important for engaging the reader.
coherence and cohesion
You've made a good attempt to present both sides of the argument, which is essential for a discussion essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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