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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In contemporary society, many
companies
Use synonyms
 pay a significant amount of money to their employees because they think it has many benefits for their countries.
However
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, some
people
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 think that their countries' governments need to control salaries to give them to individuals who actually deserve it. To the first point, the main reason for the trend that many staff in some
companies
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 are being paid a good amount of
moneyis
Correct your spelling
money is
 that it can motivate more and more
people
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 to do a better job at their workplace.
Firstly
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, being highly paid can increase a person's income, thereby improving their living standards.
For instance
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, they can afford many living costs
such
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 as accommodation fees, electricity bills, and their children's tuition.
Secondly
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,
people
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 who are paid a high salary can dedicate themselves to their work more,
therefore
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 enhancing their
companies
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' qualities.
Furthermore
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, they can set an example for their co-workers to be more hard-working, creating a community of civilized
people
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.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 trend can have
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such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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considerable disadvantages. The first one is increasing the pay gap between the highest and lowest earners, so the lower-paid
people
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 feel it is unfair and they tend not to work hard anymore.
Therefore
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, the government needs to address
this
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 problem by limiting the number of employees who can earn
such
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 a high salary. They should have a quality standard for all staff in which how they can be paid higher so the money can be given to deserving
people
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.
Furthermore
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, it fosters their dedication to work to boost their
companies
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' profits.
For example
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, Vietcombank, one of the big four banks in Vietnam, has a rule that anyone who can invite four more clients in a month will be paid 30% more of their fixed salary, and it raises an enthusiastic response in its community, thereby increasing its profit by up to 40% in the first semester. In conclusion, despite the arguments for a maximum wage cap, I believe that governments should not set a limit on the wages of the highest earners as it would have adverse impacts on business and economic growth.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a more seamless flow between sentences and paragraphs to enhance readability. Consider using more linking words and phrases.
task achievement
Although the essay is well-developed, adding more details and examples can further strengthen the arguments.
general
Watch out for minor grammatical errors to ensure clarity and precision in your writing.
task achievement
The essay effectively discusses both views and provides a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, framing the discussion nicely.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples that help illustrate the points made.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealth inequality
  • economic growth
  • motivation
  • talent acquisition
  • consumer spending
  • tax revenue
  • redistributing wealth
  • market forces
  • income disparity
  • social stability
  • freedom of choice
  • meritocracy
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