IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Do you agree or disagree that celebrities are paid far too much money?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is sometimes argued that we pay many thousands of movie stars and famous sports players massive
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts

It seems that amount may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 of money, especially in today’s
entertainment focused
Add a hyphen
entertainment-focused

It seems that entertainment focused is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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 world. In my opinion, it is so wrong to waste our money on those professions and I will explain why in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 essay.
First
Correct article usage
The first

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 and foremost vital argument is that celebs are apparently less important than teachers, nurses and other social care workers. These professionals do
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work

It seems that works may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 that
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has

It seems that the verb have does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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 a direct impact on our daily lives.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, when a person is injured from a road accident, he/she will definitely need the help of a doctor in lieu of a song to listen to or a movie to watch. A second illustration can be seen in the case of criminal activities like bank robbers or terrorism. In those emergent circumstances, the police force is all
what
Change the word
that

The combination of the words all what seems to be incorrect. Consider changing it to all that.

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 we are in urgent need of in order to safeguard innocent citizens as opposed to singers or film superstars. Another dispute against the idea of extremely well-paid celebrities is that some of those public figures sometimes are poor role models for our younger generations. By
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I mean that
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 big names often waste their money on extravagant lifestyles,
for instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, buying luxury cars or shopping for deluxe handbags on a weekly basis. Some of them even spread
a
Correct article usage
the

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 negative idea that success can be achieved without finishing school.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, many children
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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ours
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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might eventually
get dropped
Wrong verb form
drop

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb get dropped. Consider changing it.

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 out of school and become a burden to society in the long term. Again, we can see that famous people should not be overpaid in terms of creating equality in the general public and ensuring its proper function in the long run. In conclusion, it appears to me that it is totally absurd to pay enormous salaries
for
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 personalities whose jobs do not improve our quality of life on a daily basis.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each body paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. Connect ideas with appropriate linking words and phrases to improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address all parts of the task question and provide specific examples to support your ideas. Consider offering a balanced viewpoint by acknowledging potential counterarguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • lucrative
  • revenue
  • sponsorships
  • merchandise
  • career longevity
  • market demand
  • economic contribution
  • role models
  • influence
  • entertainment industry
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