IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD BE RESPONSIBLE FOR CRIME PREVENTION WHILE OTHERS BELIEVE THAT IT IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE INDIVIDUALS TO PROTECT THEMSELVES. DISCUSS BOTH SIDES AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.

#people #government #crime #prevention #responsibility #individuals
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Opinions diverge widely on whether it is the responsibility of the
government
Use synonyms
 or inhabitants to prevent themselves from crimes. While some think that
government
Use synonyms
 plays a key role in protection, I strongly believe that people should be
protective
Suggestion
protected
protection
 against criminals in their lives. On the one hand, I understand why some people are of the fervent conviction that the
government
Use synonyms
 has to prevent
crime commitment
Suggestion
the crime commission
crime commission
. Since the
government
Use synonyms
 has the power to control a whole country, it is necessary and important for them to take measures seriously to ensure the safety of their citizens. Individuals,
as a result
Linking Words
, can live happily and have no fear when going out.
For instance
Linking Words
, one effective crime prevention is to impose strict punishments on dangerous criminals
such
Linking Words
 as rapists, murderers, and terrorists. They can be given the death penalty or long-term imprisonment so that these offenders are separated from the community, and
therefore
Linking Words
 will less likely to harm law-abiding citizens.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that self-protection is more important than the
government
Use synonyms
 to avoid crimes. As police cannot appear everywhere on the street, people have to defend themselves in case of the presence of crimes. Criminal activities can be taken anywhere, anytime, irrespective of crowded or public places
such
Linking Words
 as parks, schools, and shopping malls. Take Vietnam as a prime illustration. Recently, shoplifting and mugging have been increased significantly in
this
Linking Words
 country.
Such
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 crimes often exist in shops and stores in rush hour, even when there are many people moving on the road. On account of their unawareness, lots of belongings and personal assets are robbed. For these reasons, citizens should access to self-
defense
(military) military action or resources protecting a country against potential enemies
defence
 by keeping their things carefully, learning karate or judo and avoiding wearing too many jewels when hanging out. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some people are of the opinion that the role of
government
Use synonyms
 can be effective in preventing crimes, I believe that people can protect themselves against criminals by taking some
defenses
(military) military action or resources protecting a country against potential enemies
defences
 suggested above.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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