IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

#people #children’s #leisure #activities #waste #time
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
To derive a double benefit from anything is considered a bonus and
this
 is especially the case when discussing leisure activities for children. The idea to fuse both education and entertainment into one activity is a goal of many educators, some would even believe that failure to do
this
 makes the activity pointless. Drawing from examples in Sweden and reviewing games
such
 as Pokemon I firmly believe that all activities should have an educational value. Leisure activities are a perfect time to take advantage of the receptiveness in a child’s mind, some countries are adamant about
this
. Take
Sweden
Accept comma addition
Sweden, for
for example
, for various years they
have legally stipulated
Suggestion
legally stipulated
legally stipulate
 that all children’s toys sold in the country should have some educational value.
In addition
, for
such
 a rule to be passed it must be upheld by scientific research.
Therefore
 the advantage of incorporating an education element into toys is scientifically proven.
On the other hand
, across the UK children were wasting their time collecting and learning all the statistics of each creature on each Pokemon card. If
however
 these cards had been inter wined with more educational data the child could have simultaneously gained a more practical education. Due to the child learning large swathes of irrelevant and useless information it can be argued that the time would have been better spent with real facts and figures on the cards. To conclude, scientific evidence from Sweden and fantasy games
such
 as Pokemon with little educational value are two clear reasons why children’s leisure activities should have an element of learning involved.
Submitted by leo.nidhi86 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: