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Writing Samples
Band 7

TOPIC 18: Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather than to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some argue that the fundamental aim of education is to shape children to socially responsible residents and a productive workforce,
instead
Linking Words
 of prioritising unique individuals. Personally, I somewhat agree with
this
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 given statement. Notably, the notion that schooling should primarily mould young people into efficient citizens and workers entails several drawbacks. The evident downside lies in the tendency to treat students as instruments for societal productivity. Indubitably, overemphasis on discipline and society's expectations may suppress individuality and creativity.
Such
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 constraints lead to reduced adaptability and weaker problem-solving abilities when facing unfamiliar challenges. Exam-driven systems in East Asia,
for instance
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, frequently produce learners who are high-achieving yet ill-prepared for complex real-world conditions.
Conversely
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, I firmly believe that these advantages outweigh the aforementioned disadvantages. The first prominent benefit is the development of employability skills. Undoubtedly, schools equip learners with academic knowledge and digital literacy, which are indispensable in today’s competitive labour market, enabling them to secure stable careers and economic competitiveness. Another incontrovertible advantage is the formation of socially responsible citizens. Doubtlessly, education strengthens civic awareness by teaching teenagers social norms and communal duties.
As a result
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, they develop greater respect and function harmoniously within diverse communities. In conclusion,
although
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 prioritising the creation of responsible citizens and productive workers offers substantial social and economic benefits,
this
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 approach becomes counterproductive when it overshadows children’s personal development. I
therefore
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 hold the view that a balanced educational model is essential, as it enables students to contribute meaningfully to society
while
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also
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 developing the independence needed to navigate an increasingly complex world.

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task
Make your view clear in the first sentence and keep it steady through the essay.
examples
Add one more clear example to back your main points.
coherence
Use clear links to move from idea to idea; keep sentences simple.
language
Check your grammar and keep word choice simple.
overall
Clear view on the topic with a balanced ending.
content
Good ideas on employability and civic duty.
examples
Strong real-life example (East Asia) to support a point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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