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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show household spending patterns in two countries between 1980 and 2008

The charts below show household spending patterns in two countries between 1980 and 2008
#show #household #patterns #two #countries
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The pie chart compares the family
expenditure
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 patterns in the two
countries
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 from 1980 to 2008. In 1980, the percentage of
expenditure
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 on food and drink in the
UK
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 was lower
from
Change preposition
than
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 the new
Zealand
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with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 23% and 29% respectively.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the figure for utility
bills
Change the noun form
bill
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 outcomes was only 26% in the
UK
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, but in New
Zealand
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, it had increased by 1% during a year.
However
Linking Words
, expenses on leisure
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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accounted for 18% in New
Zealand
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,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
spending in the
UK
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was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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gradually increased by 9%. In
both
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countries
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, the transport
expenditure
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 was generated
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 17% and 15%
accordingly
Linking Words
 and opposed trend was followed by others in
both
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countries
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 were the same with 9%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, In 2008 the spending on food and drinks had fallen slightly to 25% in New
Zealand
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 and had dropped dramatically to 13% in the
UK
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.
Further
Linking Words
, a slight rose in
expenditure
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 on utility bills in
both
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countries
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 with 28% in the
UK
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 and 31% in New
Zealand
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.
While
Linking Words
 the figure for transport
families
Change noun form
families'
family's
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 spending stood at 14% in the
UK
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, whilst the outcomes of New
Zealand
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closely
Add a missing verb
were closely
show examples
 followed by 2% respectively. After that, leisure household expenses had an inclined with 34% in the
UK
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 as the result of it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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dramatically declined in New
Zealand
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 by 17%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, 11% of other family
expenditurewas
Correct your spelling
expenditure was
expenditures
 the same in
both
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countries
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.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the percentage of
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on food and drinks drooped significantly in
both
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countries
Use synonyms
 over the period shown,
whereas
Linking Words
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on utility bills
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased.
Submitted by skkhehra43 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words expenditure, countries, uk, zealand, both with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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