IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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There is no denying
fact
Correct article usage
the fact
show examples
that is
Linking Words
alot
Correct your spelling
lot
 of people move away from their
friends
Use synonyms
 and
families
Use synonyms
 for
work
Use synonyms
, the essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages
link
Change the form of the verb
linked
show examples
 to the subject.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Add a comma
with,
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 there is
advantage
Add an article
an advantage
the advantage
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 that if you
work
Use synonyms
 away from your
friends
Use synonyms
 and
families
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as you can
Correct your spelling
focus
focuses
fouces
Correct your spelling
focus
 more on your
work
Use synonyms
 and be
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 creative and
prodactive
Correct your spelling
productive
proactive
 person there, in
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
 there is no distraction keeps you away from what is
your
Change the pronoun
you
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 are doing at
work
Use synonyms
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 there are
also
Linking Words
 disadvantages if you
work
Use synonyms
 away from
friends
Use synonyms
 and
families
Use synonyms
that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 problems, for
exemple
Correct your spelling
example
 if you have
problem
Correct article usage
a problem
show examples
 with your
work
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 or having a bad time
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 the first thing that you do is
going
Wrong verb form
go
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 to
one
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 member of your family or that friend
that is
Linking Words
 close to you to guide you or to give you an
advise
Replace the word
advice
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 about what to do ,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 there is
also
Linking Words
problemwhen
Correct your spelling
problem when
problems when
 you
work
Use synonyms
 away
that is
Linking Words
 no
one
Use synonyms
 to
hangout
Correct your spelling
hang out
show examples
 with
for instance
Linking Words
 if you want to go out for a picnic or to go out for shopping there is no
one
Use synonyms
 only your self and it takes time to meet people . In conclusion ,
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my honest opinion if you want more
work
Use synonyms
 effectively with no disturbing about
Correct your spelling
anyone
show examples
any
Correct your spelling
anyone
show examples
one
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
work
Use synonyms
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 it
an
Add a missing verb
is an
show examples
 advantage to
work
Use synonyms
 away from your
families
Use synonyms
 and
friends
Use synonyms
 it
hard
Add a missing verb
is hard
show examples
 at the beginning but
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think
that is
Linking Words
Correct your spelling
experience
experienced
Correct article usage
an experince
show examples
experince
Correct your spelling
experience
 that worth
to give
Change the verb form
giving
show examples
 a try

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss. This helps to set the reader's expectations.
task achievement
Improve grammatical accuracy by paying attention to subject-verb agreement and verb forms. For example, 'is a lot of people' should be 'there are a lot of people'.
task achievement
Provide a clearer explanation of your ideas. For instance, specifically state how moving away from family can lead to enhanced productivity.
coherence and cohesion
Use transition words to help your ideas flow better from one to the next. Phrases such as 'On the other hand' or 'Furthermore' can help connect your points effectively.
task achievement
Consider including more specific examples or personal anecdotes to support your points, as these can make your argument more compelling and relatable.
task achievement
You have effectively identified both advantages and disadvantages of moving away for work, showing a balanced perspective.
task achievement
Your conclusion reflects personal opinion and a reflection on the topic, which adds a personal touch to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career advancement
  • job opportunities
  • job market
  • salaries
  • personal growth
  • cultural horizons
  • adaptability
  • resilience
  • global perspective
  • emotional and psychological impact
  • loved ones
  • loneliness
  • homesickness
  • support network
  • long-distance relationships
  • emotional strain
  • face-to-face interactions
  • financial cost
  • housing deposits
  • travel costs
  • living expenses
What to do next:
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