IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The table below gives information about student enrolments at Manchester University in 1937, 1967 and 2017.

The table below gives information about student enrolments at Manchester University in 1937, 1967 and 2017.
#information #student #enrolments #manchester #university
Information about the
students
’ enrolments at Manchester University in the years 1937, 1967 and 2017
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 presented in the table below. The information presented is categorised to give information about the absolute number of
students
 enrolled, their gender proportions and their nationality (i.e.
students
 coming from foreign countries and those coming from the UK, specifically within 40 miles of the city).
Overall
, the most conspicuous trends concern the general increase in the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
 enrolled from 327 in 1937 to 6254 in 2017
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and the dramatic decrease in the percentage of the local
students
 enrolled which made up 55% of the total number of
students
 in 1937 and declined sharply to reach 1-2% in total in 2017. A surprising observation to be noted is the steadily falling proportion of female
students
 enrolled between
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1937 and 1967 with the percentage of
Correct article usage
the students’
show examples
students’
Change noun form
students
show examples
 population coming from abroad remaining the same in those years, being 6% and 7%, respectively.
However
, the proportion of foreign
students
 witnessed a remarkable increase in 2017 to constitute 32% of the total amount of
students
 enrolled.
Submitted by baykalmeliksah on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words students with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • student enrolments
  • university
  • table
  • data
  • information
  • comparison
  • trend
  • change
  • increase
  • decrease
  • fluctuation
  • significant
  • noteworthy
  • remarkable
  • notable
  • surprising
  • conclusion
  • insights
  • summary
  • overview
What to do next:
Look at other essays: