Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so the medical service should not be run by profit making companies. Do you think the disadvantage of private health care outweigh the advantages.

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Some

people

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assert that

healthcare

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is a fundamental human necessity and,

therefore

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, medical treatment should not be organized by for-profit businesses. I strongly believe that the advantages of commercial hospitals outweigh the

drawbacks

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, and

this

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essay will outline the reasons behind my stance. First and foremost, one of the major

drawbacks

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is that some private medical institutions have received financial support allocated from the national budget, partly meaning that citizens

also

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support their operations.

In addition

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, their services are relatively more expensive than public

healthcare

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Hence

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people

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in low-income families might find it challenging to access their treatment.

As a result

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This

Correct determiner usage

The

show examples

dynamics of private services can prevent poor

people

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from access to cutting-edge therapies.

Accordingly

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while

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commercial medicine can extend a lifespan among the wealthy, the poor might struggle with recovering from severe diseases.

In other words

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, it may contribute to broadening the discrepancy between the poor and the wealth Despite the

drawbacks

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of private

healthcare

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, one compelling argument supporting

this

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existence is that they have the potential to develop

further

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medical technology since, in general, commercial establishments tend to possess state-of-the-art equipment, capturing attention from

people

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with severe illnesses,

such

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as cancer and stroke.

Therefore

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this

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situation enables them to collect valuable data regarding illnesses.

Consequently

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, these data might facilitate to analysis of diseases, which are now considered

uncurable

Correct your spelling

incurable

show examples

For example

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, in Tokyo, there are conferences organized by private doctors and they present rare and unknown symptoms they encountered during diagnoses, leading to the

further

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development of medicine. In conclusion,

while

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private

healthcare

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may contribute to a medical disparity based on individuals' wealth, their businesses can enhance the

overall

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quality of therapy significantly. In my opinion, the advantages of for-profit treatment can outweigh the

drawbacks

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, since the development of therapeutic technology is more likely to save lives in the long run.

kurosaku5857Sat Feb 08 2025

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task response

Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which is good. However, consider providing a brief overview of the main points you will discuss to strengthen this section.

coherence and cohesion

The structure of your essay is logical, with clear paragraphs focused on the main ideas. Ensure that each paragraph links back to your thesis to reinforce the coherence of your argument.

task response

Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments, especially in the second body paragraph to enhance clarity and detail.

task response

You articulate your opinion well, and your arguments show consideration of both sides of the debate, which is commendable.

coherence and cohesion

Your use of complex sentences and varied vocabulary demonstrates a good command of language, adding sophistication to your writing.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

303 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

basic human need
medical services
profit-making companies
disadvantage
advantage
private health care
inequality
financial status
health outcomes
profit motive
unnecessary tests
administrative costs
public health systems
competition
service quality
efficiency
specialized services
flexibility
treatment plans

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Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so the medical service should not be run by profit making companies. Do you think the disadvantage of private health care outweigh the advantages.

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Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. * Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

In some countries, people are purchasing fewer new items and more second-hand goods. What are the reasons for this? Is this positive or negative trend?

Nowadays, people believe that the environment influences their accomplishments. Some people think their success and accomplishment were influenced by the places where they grew up. Do you think the environment does or does not affect people’s accomplishment and how it affects?