People should be allowed to continue to work for as long as they want to, and not be forced to retire at a particular age such as 60 or 65 Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, a heated debate started between the people who believes that the
age
of
ritierment
the state of being retired from one's business or occupation
retirement
should be kept at 65 years, and the opposite side which is convinced about making
retierment
the state of being retired from one's business or occupation
retirement
decision a personal choice for each individual. In
this
essay, I will explain why I sided with the latter opinion.
Firstly
, keeping senior people within the workforce would benefit the economy. As
utlizing
put into service; make work or employ for a particular purpose or for its inherent or natural purpose
utilizing
their knowledge and experience would avoid many companies the risk of losing money.
For example
, a recent study conducted by the University of London found that, half of all organizations were more profitable as
result
Suggestion
a result
of decisions taken by their older employees!
Nevertheless
,
retiering
go or come back to place, condition, or activity where one has been before
return
retain
those people early, would cause their mental health to suddenly deteriorate.
thus
Suggestion
Thus
, leading to higher costs of health care.
secondly
Suggestion
Secondly
, it is expected that
income
tax, which is collected by the government would witness a significant increase if
retirement
Suggestion
the retirement age
age
is not fixed. The reason for that, is the fact most of
older people
Suggestion
the older people
would continue paying high
income
taxes, since their salaries tends to be more than young people.
For instance
, it is estimated that an increase of 20% in tax returns, if there was no specific
retierement
the state of being retired from one's business or occupation
retirement
age
.
Therefore
, resulted in an extra
income
, which could
be utlilized in better
Suggestion
be better utilized in
be utilized in better
be utilised in better
health
facilties
a building or place that provides a particular service or is used for a particular industry
facilities
, and educational system.
therefore improving
Accept comma addition
Therefore, improving
Therefore improving
the life quality for the society as
whole
Suggestion
a whole
. In conclusion, due to the increased
income
for the government and predicted
improvments
a change for the better; progress in development
improvements
to the economy and the
communites
a group of people living in a particular local area
communities
, I believe that people should be allowed to choose their retirement
age
.
Submitted by hani_ababneh on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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