the graph below shows the number of enquiries received by Tourist Information Office in one city a six-month period in 2011

the graph below shows the number of enquiries received by Tourist Information Office in one city a six-month period in 2011
The line graph outlines the
number
of
queries
a tourist information centre received during the first half of 2001 via phone calls and letter/electronic
mails
Fix the agreement mistake
mail
show examples
as well as
questionings made by
people
in person. Generally speaking,
people
started making more
enquiries
in person after March 2001
while
email and letter
query
Replace the word
queries
show examples
dropped. As the graph suggests, the tourist information
office
received around 1800
enquiries
from
people
in January 2001 of which the maximum came through phones. Against 800 phone
queries
at that time they got 600 emails and letters and 400 in-person visits from
people
regarding information. The
number
of emails or postal
queries
dropped over the period and in June the
office
received only 200
such
queries
, one-
third
than
Change preposition
of
show examples
that of starting of the year. Interestingly, more
people
visited the
office
to log their questions and
this
number
reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1200 in the middle of the year. Though telephone
enquiries
were predominant at the beginning of the year, they remained constant between January and April. Afterwards, the
telephone
Correct quantifier usage
number of telephone
show examples
enquiries
got higher and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
about 1100 in June 2001, slightly lower than the
number
of
enquiries
made in person. The total
number
of
such
prove
Replace the word
proof
show examples
made by
people
to
this
tourist
office
increased to nearly 2500, almost 500 more
enquiries
than that of January
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Submitted by gjoel1162 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, queries, people, enquiries, office with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • enquiries
  • Tourist Information Office
  • in person
  • by letter/email
  • by telephone
  • general trend
  • six-month period
  • significant increase
  • steady rise
  • decline
  • peak
  • fluctuations
  • monthly data
  • comparison
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