the graph below shows the number of enquiries received by Tourist Information Office in one city a six-month period in 2011
The line graph outlines the
number
of queries
a tourist information centre received during the first half of 2001 via phone calls and letter/electronic mails
Fix the agreement mistake
mail
as well as
questionings made by people
in person. Generally speaking, people
started making more enquiries
in person after March 2001 while
email and letter query
dropped.
As the graph suggests, the tourist information Replace the word
queries
office
received around 1800 enquiries
from people
in January 2001 of which the maximum came through phones. Against 800 phone queries
at that time they got 600 emails and letters and 400 in-person visits from people
regarding information. The number
of emails or postal queries
dropped over the period and in June the office
received only 200 such
queries
, one-third
than
that of starting of the year. Interestingly, more Change preposition
of
people
visited the office
to log their questions and this
number
reached to
1200 in the middle of the year. Though telephone Change preposition
apply
enquiries
were predominant at the beginning of the year, they remained constant between January and April. Afterwards, the telephone
Correct quantifier usage
number of telephone
enquiries
got higher and reached to
about 1100 in June 2001, slightly lower than the Change preposition
apply
number
of enquiries
made in person. The total number
of such
prove
made by Replace the word
proof
people
to this
tourist office
increased to nearly 2500, almost 500 more enquiries
than that of January..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
Submitted by gjoel1162 on
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, queries, people, enquiries, office with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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