IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many feel that happiness is mainly an individual responsibility while others feel that there are important external factors. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#happiness #responsibility #factors
Individual wellbeing is an extremely significant aspect of anyone's
life
.
However
, It is argued whether an individual is responsible for
this
 himself or there are vital external components which contribute to
one
's happiness.
This
 essay will oppose these views and explain why both of these factors play a key role in
one
's well being.
To begin
 with, it might be justifiable, why a person needs certain aspects to feel happy. Indeed, basic
life
 needs definitely should be met as
such
 factors, like hunger or the absence of home or close people, pose obstacles for
one
 to live to the fullest. To illustrate, It is not lack of internal motivation which makes starving children of Africa feel miserable, but their current situation that threats their lives.
Thus
, certain components of
life
 do have to be present for people to be delighted.
However
, it is by no means the case that if a person is well-off and live in prosperity, he will not blame the fate for his unhappiness. In the light of the fast pace of
life
 some people have forgotten how to enjoy simple things,
such
 as the presence of food, home and family, which they might not have had, if they have occurred to be in a different situation.
For instance
, even the wealthiest people may suffer from depression while having everything in
life
 to feel happy and grateful to their fate. Thereby, people should have the internal ability to accept the situation which might not be as perfect as they think and to be satisfied with what they have. In conclusion, individual happiness is immensely significant factor for everyone, which is,
although
, stems from both: external factors like basic
life
 needs and
one
's responsibility for his own happiness.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Individual responsibility
  • External factors
  • Personal choices
  • Mindset
  • Attitude
  • Mental health
  • Self-improvement
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Financial stability
  • Social relationships
  • Supportive family
  • Environment
  • Living conditions
  • Neighborhood safety
  • Cultural factors
  • Interplay
  • Dispositions
  • Case studies
  • Practical strategies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: