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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Discuss the causes and suggest solutions for the problem

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In
this
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 day and age, the problem of teenagers gaining weight and having unhealthy lifestyles is on the rise. There are a number of reasons behind
this
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 point of view and several solutions should be taken into consideration to change these oppositional attitudes. There are a variety of reasons why the tendency to overweight and unhealthy
habits
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 is increasing among
children
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. A primary reason is an imbalanced diet. Busy schedules and easy access to fast food often lead to diets that lack fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. Sugary drinks and processed snacks become dietary staples, overloading
children
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 with empty calories. Another reason is the lack of physical activity. Teenagers today spend more time indoors using digital devices
such
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 as televisions, computers, and tablets.
This
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 replaces active play and reduces
overall
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 physical activity levels.
However
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, there are numerous solutions to tackle
this
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 issue.
Firstly
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, the family should change the eating
habits
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 of
children
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. Parents can involve
children
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 in planning and preparing meals to encourage healthy eating
habits
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 for the entire family.
For instance
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, guiding them in grocery shopping to focus on fruits and vegetables.
Secondly
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, parents should limit their
children
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's screen time and promote active play.
By encouraging
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Encouraging
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 kids to join in outdoor activities or do some physical activity on a regular basis can reduce obesity and heart problems. To draw the conclusion, the increase in overweight and unhealthy
habits
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 problems in
children
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 is
due to
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 many reasons.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 issue can be solved if families and individuals collaborate to develop a good lifestyle.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating more on the examples and reasons to provide a deeper insight into each point. This will strengthen the overall argument and make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a consistent use of terms. For instance, refer to 'children' or 'teenagers' uniformly to avoid any confusion.
task achievement
The essay addresses the causes and solutions of children becoming overweight and unhealthy, covering both aspects as required by the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured and help frame the essay appropriately.
coherence cohesion
Logical flow of ideas throughout the essay, making it easy to follow and understand the argument presented.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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