IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many parents are concerned about the violent computer games or movies or leisure activities. How can this impact children ? What can be done to solve this problem?.

#parents #computer #games #movies #leisure #activities #impact #children
As the famous saying goes “The young and the reckless!” Children today are evolving at a faster pace than earlier times. With the onset of new evolving trends among peers and following bad habits, children look out for ways to entertain themselves, which at times causes a great deal of concern for their parents. Seeking proper
guidance
 and having access to recreation within communities can have a positive impact on children. Peer pressure and bad habits can taint young minds. The reason being that children are explorers, always keen to try out new things without rationalizing the consequences.
For example
 ‘MOMO’ is an online violent game which has claimed many lives of innocent children. Parents feel compelled to monitor their child’s online and social activities. Co
unseling w
Suggestion
Counselling
ith proper
guidance
 and learning new skills through recreational activities can help shape their minds and nurture a positive outlook towards life. It is often noticed that children who tend to have proper
guidance
 are able to have a good sense of judgement and decision making skills.
For instance
, joining a hobby or sports class can help train the mind to focus more on their overall personality development. It is natural for parents to be concerned about their child’s wellbeing and keep them at bay from violent computer games, movies or harmful leisure activities.
Hence
, avoiding bad habits and negative peer pressure is essential by focusing on proper
guidance
 as well as learning new skills through recreational activities, will give them a sense of being responsible for taking critical decisions in life
Submitted by zaid.qassem1991 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: