IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Schools should do more to teach students about their health and wellbeing. Do you agree or disagree?

#schools #students #health
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that educational institutions should take extra measures to educate pupils about their health and welfare.
This
 essay disagrees that a school should go the extra mile to do so because it is unfair to them.
Firstly
,
this
 essay will discuss that it is the responsibility of parents to educate their kids about staying healthy and
secondly
, schools are already doing enough to teach students about the importance of having an active lifestyle. Education starts at home and parents should be responsible for training their kids to engage in various physical activities from an early age. If done regularly,
this
 practice will
then
 develop into a habit and children will continue to stay active without the help of their mothers or fathers in their later years.
For example
, a study by Queen's University found 73% of teenagers that maintained a healthy lifestyle were habituated to doing so due to the influence of their parents when they were much younger. Schools have been providing sufficient education to students about health and welfare for a while now. From subjects
such
 as science that teaches the different sources of nutrition to seminars that are conducted to enlighten pupils about consuming the right kinds of food, educational institutions are already doing the best they can to teach them the importance of staying healthy. To illustrate, all institutions have mandatory physical education classes to encourage students to play sports or participate in other physically engaging activities. In conclusion, schools shouldn't burden themselves
further
 by taking on the responsibility of better educating pupils to be active because parents should be responsible for it and educators are already doing it to the best of their ability.
Submitted by zeba_spice on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: