IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In many countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. what do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved?

#countries #people #health
People are suffering from the
health
 problems
as a result
 of living the lifestyle.
This
 essay will discuss the main causes, including the long working hours and the job pressure and to deter
this
 solution to these problems including
one
’s
work
life
balance
 and diet.
To begin
 with,
one
 of the important reasons is that nowadays person can
work
 for a longer time as compared to the past.
In addition
 to
this
, they have more job pressure.
For example
, Research conducted shows that, most of the young people want to achieve a higher position in the company.
This
 often results in to
work
 overtime and give the responsibility which create the stress.
Moreover
, people who are not able to give time to their family create the situation which explores the stress and create problems
such
 as diabetes, increasing blood pressure and obesity.
Thus
, to get the modern desire
one
 should start to
work
 hard and creates the problems that they had to deal with.
On the other hand
, there are certain solution to which helps to detriment the issue of the
health
.
Firstly
,
one
 should try to create a
balance
 between
work
 and personal
life
 and understand the situation if they not maintain
then
 it creates a
health
 problem.
For instance
, they should start to follow a schedule which makes
balance
 between
work
,
life
, and participate in the recreational activities,
such
 as sports, exercise.
Furthermore
, to maintain
health
 they should eat food having less fat, which helps to avoid the problem like, obesity. At
last
, to live a healthy
life
one
 can start to eat healthy food and exercise is the best solution of the problems. In conclusion, while modern lifestyle wants a long working hour and create the stressful environment leads to the
health
 issue that, will be solved by doing regular exercise, healthy food and maintain the
balance
 between
work
-
life
.
Submitted by nnpk.1891 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: