IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people think that schools should choose students according to their academic abilities, while others think it is better to have students of different abilities studying together. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #schools #students #abilities
In contemporary times, there exists a paramount emphasis on the education of
students
, eliciting a plethora of debates on the subject. Several individuals believe that learners who have similar academic abilities should be studied in the same
school
whereas
 others believe that those who have separate levels of knowledge study in the same environment is better. Personally, in
this
 essay, I would like to discuss both sides in more detail before giving my idea. On one hand,
it is clear that
 schools should select learners
according to
 their learning power because it helps to save time and finances to create a suitable training program for all
students
.
Moreover
,
this
 helps to reduce peer pressure in the
school
 where all
students
 have equal education backgrounds.
For example
, If a student having low academic ability studies in a situation that has a lot of talented
students
, he or she will become unconfident and stressed,
furthermore
, he or she will play a truant, and eventually, he or she will drop out of
school
.
On the other hand
, a number of crowds oppose that it is better to have
students
 of various capabilities studying together because not only does it create a competitive environment, but it
also
 creates opportunities for
students
 to learn and support each other.
This
 helps learners to uplift their knowledge.
Furthermore
, it fosters their passionate hearts.
For instance
, I used to be a bad student when I was in high
school
. I sat next to Nam who was the best student in my class. He supported me to study and I was getting better. Eventually, I passed all of my exams that year.
Additionally
, he has been my best friend since that time. In conclusion,
although
 both views have some validity, it seems to me that it is better to have
students
 with different levels of academic backgrounds together.
Submitted by writingeilts on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
Keep practicing the clear structuring of your arguments. Your essay benefits greatly from a logical flow, making it easier for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.
Examples
Consider expanding on your examples with more specific details. This can strengthen your argument and offer a more persuasive insight into your point of view.
Grammar
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and ensure consistency in tense usage throughout your essay to maintain professionalism and clarity.
Task Response
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task with a clear introduction, discussion of both views, and a reasoned conclusion reflecting your own opinion. This structure is excellent for task achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have effectively used cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs. This aids in the overall coherence and flow of your essay.
Use of Examples
Using personal anecdotes, as you did, can be a powerful way to illustrate your arguments. This adds depth and relatability to your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: