IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the number of inquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six month period in 2011

The graph below shows the number of inquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six month period in 2011
This
Linking Words
 line chart depicts the received
number
Use synonyms
 of questions
through
Change preposition
over
show examples
 a period of 6 months in 2011 by the tourist information office only in one city. It is clear from the graph that the
number
Use synonyms
 of received massage increased in general
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown,
in
Add a hyphen
in-person
show examples
person
Use synonyms
 and by
telephone
Use synonyms
 had an almost similar pattern. In the first month in
person
Use synonyms
, there were 420 inquiries
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 increased by 600
at the end
Linking Words
 of Feb,
while
Linking Words
 the
telephone
Use synonyms
 decreased to reach 800 beforehand 900. After that, both increased gradually until Mar. The real growth was
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
last
Linking Words
 three
month
Fix the agreement mistake
months
show examples
 which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
rocketed up to reach 1600 and 1900 asking for the
telephone
Use synonyms
 and in
person
Use synonyms
 respectively. Meanwhile, the latter and email,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, had a completely different pattern. the
number
Use synonyms
 of people asking for information is 750 in Jan which after that dropped by a minor change in Feb and Mar. the
number
Use synonyms
 of enquires sustained
by
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same level in the
last
Linking Words
 two months before that there was a gradual decline from Mar to May.
to sum up
Linking Words
 we could say that the lowest information given to tourist be
general
Change the word
generally
show examples
 in letter and email compared to the huge difference
by
Change preposition
between
show examples
 in
person
Use synonyms
 and by
telephone
Use synonyms
 which is 1200 enquires difference.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, last".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, person, telephone with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: