IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using smartphones. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think is a positive or negative development?

Currently, a significant number of people choose to allocate more
time
Use synonyms
 to the use of their smart
devices
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because mobile phones make the daily routine easier and increase socialisation opportunities. There are beneficial effects to
this
Linking Words
 trend, but I believe that the overuse of technology is rather detrimental to individuals. A reason for the increased usage of smartphones is primarily their accessibility. As prices from them are more competitive,
due to
Linking Words
 a growing market, people can afford to invest in the newest model with all updated features, which can improve daily tasks.
For instance
Linking Words
, a standard-priced smartphone today will have all the necessary navigation applications useful for travel, without charging extra fees for them.
Also
Linking Words
, these
devices
Use synonyms
 offer growing possibilities for virtual social interactions. As
such
Linking Words
, the initial verbal communication function of the phone has now developed to accommodate voice messages, video calls, and multi-group discussions via social media. Notwithstanding the benefits brought by the technological development of smart
devices
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, my view is that increased
time
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 of their
use
Replace the word
using
show examples
has
Correct pronoun usage
them has
show examples
 a negative emotional impact on people.
Therefore
Linking Words
, spending a significant
time
Use synonyms
 online, which is the primary use of smartphones nowadays, is very often associated with poor mental health and lower concentration.
Also
Linking Words
, reliance on automated features offered by our phones may negatively impact our personal development.
For example
Linking Words
, using a translation application on our phone is the first choice, rather than learning a new language. The advantages offered by our smart
devices
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as easier communication and rapid feedback on various tasks, will
further
Linking Words
 increase the
time
Use synonyms
 we choose to spend on them.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend will negatively impact the well-being of the
overall
Linking Words
 society.

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structure
Plan your writing first. Begin with a short view. Then give two or three ideas with proof or proof in a short form. End with a clear line that restates your view.
language
Fix the main grammar mistakes. For example, 'Prices from them are more competitive' should be 'Prices are more competitive', and 'increase socialisation opportunities' could be 'more chances to talk with friends'.
vocabulary
Use only simple words. Keep long thoughts in short lines. Use linking words like 'also', 'but', 'for example', 'therefore' to show links.
content
Give a bit more exact examples for each idea. Talk how phone use can make sleep poor or hurt focus or mood, with a short fact or example.
content
Clear view of the topic and your own view is stated.
structure
Easy to read with a plan in the paragraphs.
examples
You show some good real-life examples of how phones help.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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