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Writing Samples
Band 7

At the present time the population of some countries including a relatively large number of young adults compared with the number of older people do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

#time #population #countries #adults #people
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In recent years, the characteristics of the population pyramid have noticeably changed
due to
 the increase in the
number
 of young adults relative to the elderly. I personally believe that the disadvantages of
this
 extension outweigh its advantages in many forms. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both points supporting my opinion with suitable arguments . On the one hand, The youths represent the labour pool of the community,
As a result
, with more people to work the
number
 of both national and public projects will increase expanding the sources of the national income and eliminating the risk of probable bankruptcy.
In contrast
, the majority of senior citizens do not contribute to the workforce and fully depend on the government so they are considered to form a bit of a “load” on the economy .
Moreover
, the youth period is known for its energy over the rush and its
a
Correct article usage
apply
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crazy but extremely creative ideas so it doesn’t come
to
Change preposition
as to
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 surprise that the majority of great inventions are made by these young fresh minds coming up with fresh innovative thoughts and ideas.
On the other hand
, by expanding the
number
 of the working-hands a sufficiency in the job market would occur leading to a rise in the levels of unemployment and
thus
 there will be more families with no one to support. To illustrate,
due to
 the lack of jobs in Egypt, a lot of families lack the proper care and financial support needed to cover even their basic needs.
Furthermore
, the lack of job opportunities available and unfair wages for the youngsters would lead to their immigration to other countries and places where they would find better chances so the mother country would lose a lot of good brains from which she could benefit . In conclusion, it’s undeniable that the presence of a large
number
 of young people might be beneficial for the economy of the country by widening its range, we must not overlook the drawbacks which lead to unfair chances and salaries.
Submitted by m.mahmoud.2005 on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance the clarity and organization of ideas by using clearer topic sentences and transition phrases to guide the reader through the argument.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and statistics to strengthen your arguments and demonstrate points effectively.
introduction conclusion
Strong opening paragraph that introduces the topic and states a clear position.
task achievement
Good balance of discussing both advantages and disadvantages with relevant arguments.
introduction conclusion
Conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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