IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sporting facilities, others however say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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Some would argue that the most effective way to enhance public
health
Use synonyms
 is by raising the number of sporting facilities, while others say
this
Linking Words
 would have a minor change and that other measures are needed.
Although
Linking Words
 increasing sporting facilities would help them
exercise
Use synonyms
 frequently, I believe people need to be educated on public
health
Use synonyms
 to prevent illness. On the one hand, some believe that building more sporting
centers
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centre
centres
Centers
 would help people to
exercise
Use synonyms
 more which will improve their
health
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because the price of these facilities would be reduced and more people would be able to sign up at these
centers
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centres
 to
exercise
Use synonyms
 and stay healthy without visiting the hospital.
For example
Linking Words
, In Nigeria, the Daily Sports reported that there has been an increase in people who registered at various sports
centers
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centres
 to
exercise
Use synonyms
 because of low cost registration payment.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
this
Linking Words
 does not solve the actual problem because most people spend lots of money on registration at these facilities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other people would say that education on
health
Use synonyms
 is taught to be a major improvement in public
health
Use synonyms
. The reason is that by educating people through the media and in schools on public
health
Use synonyms
, they tend to get a better understanding on the information being given to them to prevent illness.
For example
Linking Words
, a study from the Metropolitan Teaching Hospital reported that the rate of malaria infection had dropped from 60% to 30% because people adhered to the public lecture on malaria in 2019. I believe
this
Linking Words
 is a preferable solution because educating people on
health
Use synonyms
issues improves
Suggestion
issues, improves
 their well being and reduce their visit to hospitals. To conclude,
although
Linking Words
 expanding sporting facilities might help people to keep fit, it does not improve their
health
Use synonyms
 entirely and
that is
Linking Words
 why it is more important to educate people on
health
Use synonyms
 issues.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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