The probability of an offender committing a crime after serving the first punishment has increased. What is the reason for this and how can this problem be tackled?
In
this
era, the rate of crimes surpassed. Linking Words
This
happens Linking Words
due to
many reasons Linking Words
such
as lack of education, manners and money. Linking Words
However
, the rate of an offender committing a crime after they spend their first period of punishment has surpassed. In Linking Words
this
essay, I will elaborate on the reason, and how to decline Linking Words
this
issue.
Linking Words
To begin
with, the jailbirds when jails. They do not receive the good treatment. They are involved with other criminals, Linking Words
thus
, Linking Words
this
will increase their criminal awareness. Linking Words
Moreover
, the concept of prison is not just some breaking laws. It is a place where they obtain rehabilitation. Linking Words
However
, in many areas, they do not get that. Linking Words
For instance
, In prisons like Mexico, Beru and Chilie, convicts who attend jails are integrated with gangs. These gangs make them commit other crimes. The Linking Words
government
leave them Use synonyms
instead
of ruining these organisations. Linking Words
In addition
, the dearth of jobs and the society opinion about them. These things made them not have an opportunity to get jobs. Linking Words
Hence
, they reintegrate into crimes again.
One possible solution would be that Linking Words
government
should make programs. The job of these programs is to rehab the prisoners to make them a good person again. Use synonyms
For instance
, In Egypt, the Linking Words
government
implemented to make the inmates involved in distinct organisations and industries. They made them work in agriculture and manufacturing. Use synonyms
This
assisted them when they finish their period they will be able to work again. Linking Words
Furthermore
, The Linking Words
government
should raise the people's awareness about these people. They are human-like and deserve a second chance. One of the sparked instances is that in Finland, convicts can only stay for the have of the period If they illustrate good behaviour.
In conclusion, there will be a debate on Use synonyms
this
argument. The Linking Words
government
and the citizens should unite together to help these people. They deserve a second chance only if they are guided in the right way.Use synonyms
Submitted by mohannadsme on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic well and provides good solutions for the identified problem. However, it lacks clarity in some areas. Ensure that each point is clearly explained and directly supports your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between your points. Some sentences and paragraphs need better connectors for smoother transitions. Work on making each paragraph more coherent by linking ideas logically.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are strong and summarize the argument well. You have clearly stated the topic and provided a clear stance.
supported main points
You have provided relevant examples, such as the situation in Egypt and Finland, to support your arguments. This adds depth to your essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?