The probability of an offender committing a crime after serving the first punishment has increased. What is the reason for this and how can this problem be tackled?
In
this
era, the rate of crimes surpassed. This
happens due to
many reasons such
as lack of education, manners and money. However
, the rate of an offender committing a crime after they spend their first period of punishment has surpassed. In this
essay, I will elaborate on the reason, and how to decline this
issue.
To begin
with, the jailbirds when jails. They do not receive the good treatment. They are involved with other criminals, thus
, this
will increase their criminal awareness. Moreover
, the concept of prison is not just some breaking laws. It is a place where they obtain rehabilitation. However
, in many areas, they do not get that. For instance
, In prisons like Mexico, Beru and Chilie, convicts who attend jails are integrated with gangs. These gangs make them commit other crimes. The government
leave them instead
of ruining these organisations. In addition
, the dearth of jobs and the society opinion about them. These things made them not have an opportunity to get jobs. Hence
, they reintegrate into crimes again.
One possible solution would be that government
should make programs. The job of these programs is to rehab the prisoners to make them a good person again. For instance
, In Egypt, the government
implemented to make the inmates involved in distinct organisations and industries. They made them work in agriculture and manufacturing. This
assisted them when they finish their period they will be able to work again. Furthermore
, The government
should raise the people's awareness about these people. They are human-like and deserve a second chance. One of the sparked instances is that in Finland, convicts can only stay for the have of the period If they illustrate good behaviour.
In conclusion, there will be a debate on this
argument. The government
and the citizens should unite together to help these people. They deserve a second chance only if they are guided in the right way.Submitted by mohannadsme on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic well and provides good solutions for the identified problem. However, it lacks clarity in some areas. Ensure that each point is clearly explained and directly supports your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between your points. Some sentences and paragraphs need better connectors for smoother transitions. Work on making each paragraph more coherent by linking ideas logically.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are strong and summarize the argument well. You have clearly stated the topic and provided a clear stance.
supported main points
You have provided relevant examples, such as the situation in Egypt and Finland, to support your arguments. This adds depth to your essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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