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Writing Samples
Band 5

Shopping is dangerous because it makes people selfish, and careless with money do you agree or disagree?

#people #money
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Nowadays, to go for purchasing has been considered as menacing and eventually makes
person
Suggestion
a person
the person
people
 self-centred as well as extravagant. I firmly disagree with the given opinion and the reasons for my stand will be justified
further
 in the ensuing paragraphs. Out of all the reasons the foremost one is
although
 the advertisement may appear appealing and perfectly at
perticular age group
Suggestion
a particular age group
particular age group
, folks now do more research using the modern technology.
For instance
, one can find any
products
Suggestion
product
 review online without
hustle
Suggestion
the hustle
 and saves money by not becoming
victim
Suggestion
a victim
victims
 of attractive TV commercial
;
Accept space
;
also
 spend those extra money on their beloved ones.
Therefore
, shopping will not be harmful, if the purchaser is well educated and has a better knowledge of technology. Another reason for my support is
also
 based on how an individual uses his or her brain.
Inspite
Suggestion
In spite
 of credit
cards
Suggestion
card's
card
 availability, which
oftenly
 not used deliberately by uneducated people, intelligent one own
cradit
approval
credit
 card with low limit
;
Accept space
;
hence
 escaped from miserable condition
such
 as dire debt.
Moreover
, it is commonly observed that by doing shopping people can not only overcome
mental stress level
Suggestion
the mental stress level
 but
also
 stays updated about recent fashion. In
this
 state of mind folks often pick up gifts for family
,
Accept space
,
so shopping will neither make anyone self
obssesd
having or showing excessive or compulsive concern with something
obsessed
 nor extravagant, if
person
Suggestion
a person
the person
 is brainy. Futhermore, purchasing enhances person's creativity and keeps well aware about updated
trends;Consequantly
 boost confidence of
buyer
Suggestion
buyers
the buyer
. To illustrate, take an example of a woman who visits
shopping mall
Suggestion
the shopping mall
a shopping mall
 once in a month, buys and own more decorative households as well as trendy clothes, which provide wings to her confidence,
hence
 shopping is not harmful. In conclusion, purchasing brings pleasure, a feeling of satisfaction and
also
 helps to overcome stress
,
Accept space
,
so it is not harmful until the purchaser is brainy and uses modern technology wisely.
Submitted by gb10770 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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