IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many parents feel that cell phones are harmful to children, while others do not. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#parents #cell #phones #children
Although
 a significant number of parents believe that mobile phones harm their offspring, others are against
this
 point of view. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views, and I will show my support for the latter opinion. On the one hand, those who believe that
cell
 phones are beneficial to their children argue that it made their children safer.
This
 is because these gadgets made their
children reachable
Accept comma addition
children, reachable
 wherever they can be.
As a result
, these youngsters can move freely while being
contactable
 by their parents in any case of emergency.
For example
, research conducted by scientists at Cambridge University in 2019 declared that children who own
cell
 phones are less likely to face emergencies without their families’ presence than their peers by 50%. Had it not been for
this
 communication invention, these children would have been exposed to various dangers on their own.
On the other hand
, I believe that children’s
cell
 phones can lead to a dysfunctional family. The reason for
this
 is that these phones reduced the time these youngsters spend with their families.
Consequently
, these families would suffer from weakened bonds among its members despite how loving the parents can be.
Conversely
, if these children’s access to mobile phones was limited, they would enjoy the love of their parents.
For instance
, a paper published by pedagogical experts at the Egyptian ministry of education in 2019 revealed that youngsters who less use their
cell
 phones are more expected to experience a delightful loving family experience. In conclusion, while a plethora of parents
believe
Suggestion
believes
 that mobile phones are advantageous to their children in terms of safety, I disagree with
this
 because of the risk of dysfunctional families these gadgets can cause.
Submitted by somabendary on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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