IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have a health problem as a result. Why to many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #health
Majority
Suggestion
The majority
 of the people doing jobs do not or get very less
time
for
Suggestion
to
 workout. Sometimes they don't even
exercise
 in their leisure
time
 as well.
As a result
, it affects their health big
time
. People who are busy in their day to day busy schedule earning money, do not get enough
time
 to go to
gym
Suggestion
the gym
 or take
time
 out
for
Suggestion
from
 running outdoors. It is mainly due to their occupied timetable during their working days. Some go to their offices at 9am in the morning and come back home till 5pm,
hence
 they are too tired to stretch their bodies.
However
, there are some people who do get ample free
time
, but despite that they are too lazy to take care of their bodies. Busy schedules and lazy nature are the two most common reasons for working people who don't
exercise
.
This
 affects their health going forward, as we know how important
exercise
 is for the well being of humans. People on jobs must develop a strong will power and force themselves into starting
exercises
Suggestion
the exercises
. They must take out
time
 for it. Laziness must be defeated. People must be made aware of workout benefits. Outdoor sports must be promoted. Gymnasiums must be made more common and affordable. In
this
 way,
this
 problem can be solved at large. In conclusion, occupied people do not get
time sometimes
Accept comma addition
time, sometimes
for
Suggestion
to
exercise
, while some are not even interested,
as a result
 it affects humans in the long run which can lead to many diseases. There must be awareness campaigns about the advantages of exercises.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
What to do next:
Look at other essays: