IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that children should do what their parents tell them to do; others think children must learn to think for themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #parents
Parenting plays a crucial role in the development of a child. Some claim that children should do only what their parents have told them to
do whereas
Accept comma addition
do, whereas
, others think they should be their own decision maker. I personally believe that listening to their guardians is important, but being able to think and act independently is far more crucial.
To begin
 with, the main reason to listen to parents is that the young mind is too immature. Children are not mature enough to decide what is right and what is wrong, and most of the time they end up choosing the negative side because at that age they are attracted to do
such
 things and
thus
 spoil their life.
For example
, a global research group conducted a few tests among 9 to 16 year olds by asking a few questions. It was shown that 85% of the kids were prone to making wrong choices. So, for
this
reason parental
Accept comma addition
reason, parental
 supervision of children is beneficial.
However
, too much of
this
 is going to ruin the child’s ability to tackle situations on their own. On the flip side, following one’s own judgment builds individuality which is a much needed quality
in
Suggestion
of
 life. The constant involvement of parents during the growing up years of a child may make them incapable of fixing their own issues when they grow up.
Furthermore
, individuality builds confidence in children and makes them capable of standing up for their own and achieve greater heights in life. It is a proven fact that children who stood for themselves are more successful in future than, who did not.
This
 proves why it is important for children to listen to themselves. To recapitulate,
although
 obeying parental commands
is going
Suggestion
are going
 to help you in making right choices, it will ruin your goals, if you do that for too long.
Hence
, every younger person should follow their own judgment for their better future.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obey
  • authority
  • guidance
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • beneficial
  • harmful
  • mistakes
  • independent
  • critical thinking
  • creativity
  • problem-solving
  • responsibility
  • self-reliance
  • opinion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: