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Band 4.5

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum

#people #strain #health #care #system #education #lessons #school #curriculum
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Now a
days
Suggestion
day
,
overweighting
all things
everything
 is becoming common among people. Some people suggest that we can overcome
this
Linking Words
 problem with
help
Suggestion
the help
 of physical education lessons in
school
Use synonyms
 course. I would agree to
this
Linking Words
 point to some extent and will
also
Linking Words
 include some more solutions. Learning about physical fitness is related
with
Suggestion
to
food
Use synonyms
 and physical activity, so we can make people more active through
food
Use synonyms
 and physical activity. Obesity is
root
Suggestion
the root
a root
 of all diseases;
therefore
Linking Words
, if we control
overweighting
all things
everything
overeating
 and obesity in some
way
Accept comma addition
way, then
then
Linking Words
 we can get rid of a lot of diseases. It has many remedies and precautions which we can adopt to get rid
from
Suggestion
of
 it.
Linking Words
First thing
Suggestion
The first thing
 is to educate people about the importance of physical education in all public institutions, not just in
school
Use synonyms
, but
school
Use synonyms
build
Suggestion
builds
 our foundations, so at the beginning some life, children will become conscious about it.
School
Use synonyms
 administration can arrange different type of
games
Accept comma addition
games, for
for example
Linking Words
 football, cricket and baseball
to promote
Suggestion
promote
 the physical activity as well as fun in the
school
Use synonyms
. Schools should
also
Linking Words
 give
food
Use synonyms
 chart to their
students which
Accept comma addition
students, which
 increase learning power in them and reduce the obesity.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, obesity cannot control just with
school
Use synonyms
 contribution, parents should
also
Linking Words
 play an active role. We can educate parents regrading it, through social media. Government should
also
Linking Words
 ban the junk
food
Use synonyms
 in universities and
Use synonyms
school which
Accept comma addition
school, which
 cause harm to people`s health. To sum up all the arguments, we would come to know that with
help
Suggestion
the help
 of schools, parents and government we can reduce the problem of
overweighting
write new data on top of existing data and thus erase the previously existing data
overwriting
overeating
overheating
 but only
school
Use synonyms
 cannot play a significant role.
This
Linking Words
 will
also
Linking Words
 reduce the burden of government spending on health care system.
Submitted by rabiakausar_15 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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