IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and cannot afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What actions can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

#people #debt #don’t #behaviour #actions
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many
people
Use synonyms
 buy lots of
things
Use synonyms
 that are not important
also
Linking Words
 they can not afford them. There are several reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 issue
such
Linking Words
 as peer pressure and social media impact . In order to address
this
Linking Words
 problem they have to focus on the essential
things
Use synonyms
 and be aware of their financial states.
To begin
Linking Words
 with , one of the main reasons that drives
people
Use synonyms
 to buy non-essential items is social impact .
Therefore
Linking Words
 they try to look for trendy items regardless of the precise. Like buying the
last
Linking Words
 iPhone or car to show society that they are rich or have money .
For instance
Linking Words
 ,a recent study showcased that there were 70 per cent of
people
Use synonyms
 bought unnecessary
things
Use synonyms
 because social media has a strong effect on
people
Use synonyms
's interests which has put pressure on their budgets. In order to tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue , there are some effective ways to control random purchasing . Concentrate on the necessary stuff and
then
Linking Words
 luxurious
things
Use synonyms
 , through making a list of the most important
things
Use synonyms
 for
this
Linking Words
 month or year in order to avoid excessive purchases
.
Correct your spelling
For
for example
Linking Words
 , there was a statistic measured how many
people
Use synonyms
 are satisfied with their current condition and the percentage showed 80 per cent comfortable
due to
Linking Words
 organized their priorities
moreover
Linking Words
 it opened up for more space to buy a luxury thing .
To sum up
Linking Words
 , purchasing a new thing without benefits must be taken as a serious problem .The primary factors are following what the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 do and lack of financial management which in turn leads to debts and bankruptcy
Submitted by rwnalanezi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Include specific examples that directly relate to the topic. For instance, you can mention specific social media influencers or financial apps that promote unnecessary spending.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all ideas are presented clearly, and sentences smoothly transition from one to the next. Consider using more linking words or phrases to enhance logical progression.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy for the reader to grasp the main points from the start.
task achievement
The main points regarding the influence of social media and financial management issues are relevant and well-addressed.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumer culture
  • financial education
  • instant gratification
  • peer pressure
  • social status
  • credit and loans
  • financial responsibility
  • public awareness campaigns
  • debt management
  • regulate
  • impose
  • preventive actions
  • advertising influence
What to do next:
Look at other essays: