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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The first chart below shows the results of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100,000 people asking if they travelled abroad and why they travelled for the period 1994-98. The second chart shows their destinations over the same period.

The first chart below shows the results of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100,000 people asking if they travelled abroad and why they travelled for the period 1994-98. The second chart shows their destinations over the same period.
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chart
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 illustrates from the sample subset of 100,000
people
Use synonyms
 whether they have travelled to
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
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 country and for what
reason
Use synonyms
 they have travelled in the years 1994-98
furthermore
Linking Words
, the
second
Linking Words
 chart shows
their
Change the word
the
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 destinations that they have travelled for.
Overall
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 gave holidays as the
reason
Use synonyms
 to go abroad
while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 primarily went to
western
Add an article
the western
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 region. The total
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 that
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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went
Change the verb form
gone
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for
Change preposition
apply
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abroad
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 28,828 in the
year
Use synonyms
 1998 which highest for the given
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
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while
Linking Words
 the
year
Use synonyms
 1995 saw the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 visiting other countries which
is
Change the verb form
are
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 21,610.
Holiday
Fix the agreement mistake
Holidays
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, business and
visit
Fix the agreement mistake
visits
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 to friends and relatives have seen the highest
number
Use synonyms
 in the
year
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 1998 with numbers 20,700, 3957 and 3181 respectively. For the
reason
Use synonyms
 other
reason
Use synonyms
 in the
year
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1997
Add a comma
,1997
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 the
number
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people
Use synonyms
 gave
Use synonyms
reason
Add an article
the reason
a reason
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 as 1054 which is highest for that category.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, reason, number, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "gave" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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